…It’s weird, honestly.
…The way Noelle acts sometimes. I get that she’s awkward, that she’s… masking something, it’s easy to tell. Maybe it’s my own cynicism talking, but nobody could be that happy through everything that’s happened to her.
I blame myself, sometimes, for growing distant. For being another branch broken off of her pine tree. I miss her, even if she’s only two seats away five days a week.
I can never bring myself to talk to her, I barely talk to anybody if I can help it. The fact that I’ve said this much… it surprises even me. She doesn’t deserve that, though.
I can’t get back in her life, she doesn’t deserve someone… unstable, it makes me feel lower than dirt but… she has to be let go. It’s for her own good, isn’t it? For everyone’s.
Catti, Susie, Ralsei… wouldn’t it be so much easier if I just… wasn’t here?
Maybe Susie was right after all. I’ve always known it, of course, but I tried to deflect, to give myself an excuse. ‘It’s not my fault I was adopted', ‘It’s not my fault I was dragged along everywhere'. But it is. My simple presence in this fucking town… it ruined everything. Everything would’ve been so much better if I just wasn’t adopted.
Noelle wouldn’t have been… tortured, all her childhood. Asriel wouldn’t have had to be stuck watching me. Mom and Dad probably wouldn’t have divorced.
…Dess wouldn’t have went away.
It’s too late to change.
But I don’t have to live with my decisions much longer.
Just… two more days.