u/ResidentMost8848

Hi, I’m 15 and I have OCD and DPDR/derealization. Right now my derealization is probably the strongest it’s ever been, and I think my OCD is making the whole thing much harder to get out of.

I want to say first that I have a therapist, supportive family and friends, and adults helping me. I’m not looking for a diagnosis or medical advice. I’m mainly hoping to hear from people who understand the OCD/DPDR combination and have gotten through it.

The derealization itself is really hard to describe.

I know who I am. I know where I am. I know the people around me are real. I know my surroundings are real.

But they don’t always feel real or familiar.

Everything can feel dreamlike, distant, foggy, flat or just subtly “wrong.” Sometimes I look at someone I know extremely well and intellectually recognize them completely, but I don’t get that automatic emotional feeling of familiarity. Time can feel strange too, and my memories sometimes seem distant or foggy.

The problem is that I have OCD, so my brain absolutely LOVES trying to solve this.

It’s basically:

Something feels unreal → I notice it → “Why does this feel weird?” → I get scared → I check whether I feel normal → I analyze my perception → I look for reassurance → I feel better briefly → I check again → DPDR feels stronger → repeat.

I can find myself constantly checking things like:

“Does Mom feel familiar right now?”

“Does this room look normal?”

“Do I feel like myself?”

“Does today feel real?”

“Can I remember yesterday properly?”

“Am I getting better yet?”

And logically I understand that repeatedly checking my perception probably keeps my attention glued to the exact sensation I’m frightened of. But knowing that and actually stopping the compulsions are two completely different things.

Another issue is my screen time. I can spend 12–14+ hours a day on my phone, and I’m starting to wonder whether constantly scrolling, researching, checking symptoms, distracting myself and staring at a screen is giving my brain almost no quiet time.

I’m currently away from home on vacation and extremely homesick, which has made everything feel even stranger. I desperately miss my normal environment, my bed, my pets and my routine. I’m literally counting the sleeps until I go home next Saturday.

I think one of the biggest things I’m struggling with is accepting the sensation instead of desperately trying to make it disappear.

My OCD wants certainty:

“Tell me this will stop.”
“Tell me I’ll feel normal again.”
“Check whether it’s improving.”
“Figure out exactly why this is happening.”

And every time I obey that urge, I think I’m teaching my brain that derealization is something dangerous that needs to be monitored.

So for people with both OCD and DPDR, how did you break this cycle?

How did you stop checking whether things felt real or familiar?

Did ERP principles help you with DPDR-related checking?

What did you actually tell yourself when your brain screamed that something felt “wrong”?

Did reducing reassurance-seeking or symptom Googling help?

Did cutting down screen time make any noticeable difference?

And most importantly, did you eventually reach a point where you stopped paying so much attention to derealization and life started feeling ordinary again?

I could really use some hopeful experiences from people who have been through a severe period of this. I’m scared right now, but I also know constantly fighting and analyzing the feeling isn’t getting me anywhere.

Please don’t post scary medical stories, emergency-symptom lists or worst-case scenarios. Those are particularly difficult for my OCD. I have adults and professionals handling the medical side. I’m specifically looking for OCD/DPDR coping strategies, recovery experiences and a little comfort from people who understand what this feels like.

Hi. I’m 15 years old and a female and I’ve dealt with derealization/DPDR before, but right now it’s probably the strongest I’ve ever experienced and I’m honestly terrified.

I want to say first that I do have support. I have a therapist, friends and family I can talk to, and I’m not relying on Reddit instead of getting actual help. I mainly want to hear from people who have actually experienced severe DPDR and understand how bizarre and frightening it can feel.

I also feel like I need to explain what my body and brain have been through, because this hasn’t happened in a vacuum.

I was born with a cleft lip and palate and I’ve had over 20 surgeries throughout my life. The past year in particular has been medically exhausting.

In August 2025, I had double-jaw surgery, which lasted around six hours and was a huge recovery.

Then in 2026 I had:

• February 2: surgery to have ear tubes placed.
• May 6: another surgery involving debridement, removal of an infected screw from my previous jaw surgery, and a tooth extraction.
• June 23: a major rhinoplasty and septoplasty for my cleft, plus a dermal-fat graft to my upper lip. That surgery lasted around 5½ hours.

The June surgery especially turned into a long recovery. I dealt with swelling, pain, stitches, changes in how breathing through my nose felt, dizziness/eye strain, a sinus infection that needed antibiotics, sleep disruption, and episodes of DPDR during recovery.

So for much of this year it has felt like surgery → recovery → another procedure → recovery → another major surgery → recovery, while also dealing with psychiatric medication changes.

Because I spent so much time recovering at home, I also developed a pretty extreme amount of screen time. There have been days where I’m on my phone for around 12–14+ hours. It became something to do while I was stuck recovering, but now I’m wondering whether that much constant stimulation is making it harder for my nervous system to settle down and whether reducing it could help my DPDR.

I’m also currently going through a medication transition with my prescriber. I’ve been taking Anafranil (clomipramine) 25 mg every other day temporarily as instructed, and the plan is to go back to Prozac, which helped me a lot in the past. I’ve had several psychiatric medication changes this year on top of everything else.

Then I traveled to Hawaii for vacation with my mom. Getting here was exhausting—I was awake for around 22 hours, had a lot of anxiety surrounding the trip, and suddenly went from my familiar home environment to being thousands of miles away.

I’m now extremely homesick.

My derealization feels almost like I’m living in a fever dream. I know who I am. I know where I am. I know my mom is my mom. I know Hawaii is real. It’s not that I actually believe anything isn’t real.

It’s the feeling.

Everything looks and feels strange, distant, foggy, disconnected and dreamlike. Familiar people sometimes don’t give me that automatic feeling of familiarity even though I obviously know exactly who they are. Time feels strange. My memory feels foggy. I keep desperately wanting everything to feel normal and familiar again.

And then I get frightened by the derealization itself.

I notice it → I get scared → I check whether I feel normal yet → I notice it even more → I become more anxious → everything feels even stranger.

I think I’m accidentally keeping myself stuck in a loop by constantly checking how I feel.

I’m also desperately missing home—my own bed, my pets, my normal surroundings, my routine, everything. I leave Hawaii next Saturday and I’ve literally started counting down the sleeps because thinking about going home comforts me.

I’m exhausted from being scared of my own perception.

If you’ve experienced really severe DPDR and eventually felt like yourself again, I would LOVE to hear from you.

What genuinely helped you?

Did cutting down extreme screen time make a difference? Did getting proper sleep and returning to a routine help? How did you stop checking every few minutes to see whether you “felt real” again? Did getting outside, doing normal activities, talking to people, exercise, hobbies, etc. help reconnect you with life?

And honestly, I could really use some comforting recovery stories. I’m only 15 and after so many surgeries, recoveries, medication changes and anxiety this year, I’m just tired and scared and want to feel like myself again.

Please don’t give me scary medical stories, emergency-symptom lists, or worst-case scenarios. Those make my anxiety significantly worse. I have adults and professionals in my life helping me with the medical side. I’m specifically looking for DPDR coping strategies, reassurance, and experiences from people who have actually come through a really severe period of derealization.

Thank you for reading all of this. ❤️

hi I am a 15 year old female

Hi. I’m 15 years old, and I’ve dealt with derealization/DPDR before, but right now it’s probably the strongest I’ve ever experienced and I’m honestly terrified.

I want to say first that I do have support. I have a therapist, friends and family I can talk to, and I’m not relying on Reddit instead of getting actual help. I mainly want to hear from people who have actually experienced severe DPDR and understand how bizarre and frightening it can feel.

I also feel like I need to explain what my body and brain have been through, because this hasn’t happened in a vacuum.

I was born with a cleft lip and palate and I’ve had over 20 surgeries throughout my life. The past year in particular has been medically exhausting.

In August 2025, I had double-jaw surgery, which lasted around six hours and was a huge recovery.

Then in 2026 I had:

• February 2: surgery to have ear tubes placed.
• May 6: another surgery involving debridement, removal of an infected screw from my previous jaw surgery, and a tooth extraction.
• June 23: a major rhinoplasty and septoplasty for my cleft, plus a dermal-fat graft to my upper lip. That surgery lasted around 5½ hours.

The June surgery especially turned into a long recovery. I dealt with swelling, pain, stitches, changes in how breathing through my nose felt, dizziness/eye strain, a sinus infection that needed antibiotics, sleep disruption, and episodes of DPDR during recovery.

So for much of this year it has felt like surgery → recovery → another procedure → recovery → another major surgery → recovery, while also dealing with psychiatric medication changes.

Because I spent so much time recovering at home, I also developed a pretty extreme amount of screen time. There have been days where I’m on my phone for around 12–14+ hours. It became something to do while I was stuck recovering, but now I’m wondering whether that much constant stimulation is making it harder for my nervous system to settle down and whether reducing it could help my DPDR.

I’m also currently going through a medication transition with my prescriber. I’ve been taking Anafranil (clomipramine) 25 mg every other day temporarily as instructed, and the plan is to go back to Prozac, which helped me a lot in the past. I’ve had several psychiatric medication changes this year on top of everything else.

Then I traveled to Hawaii for vacation with my mom. Getting here was exhausting—I was awake for around 22 hours, had a lot of anxiety surrounding the trip, and suddenly went from my familiar home environment to being thousands of miles away.

I’m now extremely homesick.

My derealization feels almost like I’m living in a fever dream. I know who I am. I know where I am. I know my mom is my mom. I know Hawaii is real. It’s not that I actually believe anything isn’t real.

It’s the feeling.

Everything looks and feels strange, distant, foggy, disconnected and dreamlike. Familiar people sometimes don’t give me that automatic feeling of familiarity even though I obviously know exactly who they are. Time feels strange. My memory feels foggy. I keep desperately wanting everything to feel normal and familiar again.

And then I get frightened by the derealization itself.

I notice it → I get scared → I check whether I feel normal yet → I notice it even more → I become more anxious → everything feels even stranger.

I think I’m accidentally keeping myself stuck in a loop by constantly checking how I feel.

I’m also desperately missing home—my own bed, my pets, my normal surroundings, my routine, everything. I leave Hawaii next Saturday and I’ve literally started counting down the sleeps because thinking about going home comforts me.

I’m exhausted from being scared of my own perception.

If you’ve experienced really severe DPDR and eventually felt like yourself again, I would LOVE to hear from you.

What genuinely helped you?

Did cutting down extreme screen time make a difference? Did getting proper sleep and returning to a routine help? How did you stop checking every few minutes to see whether you “felt real” again? Did getting outside, doing normal activities, talking to people, exercise, hobbies, etc. help reconnect you with life?

And honestly, I could really use some comforting recovery stories. I’m only 15 and after so many surgeries, recoveries, medication changes and anxiety this year, I’m just tired and scared and want to feel like myself again.

Please don’t give me scary medical stories, emergency-symptom lists, or worst-case scenarios. Those make my anxiety significantly worse. I have adults and professionals in my life helping me with the medical side. I’m specifically looking for DPDR coping strategies, reassurance, and experiences from people who have actually come through a really severe period of derealization.

Thank you for reading all of this. ❤️

goodmorning or good afternoon everyone! i was wondering if anyone has some wonderful cc for kids, and male kids (also) that actually look like kids not teenagers or adults!

like 2003-2017 childhood kinda

thanks ❤️

I’m 15, withdrawing from Effexor, and I feel like I’ve completely lost myself. I was born with a cleft lip and palate and have had 21 surgeries, including another major facial surgery recently. I also have PTSD, severe OCD, anxiety, and I’ve barely slept this week.

My OCD has been relentless with intrusive thoughts that make me question who I am, and I keep obsessing over my surgery recovery. Last night I had horrible nightmares about my younger sister, and today I was so out of it I couldn’t even follow a conversation. She got frustrated with me, and it honestly broke my heart.

My doctor told me I’m medically okay but said my body has been through “a year of hell” and she’s surprised I haven’t fainted. I realized I’ve spent so much of my childhood recovering from surgeries that I feel like I never really got to be a kid.

I’ve reached a point where I don’t even recognize myself anymore.

My OCD has gotten so severe that it convinces me I’m a horrible person. It gives me intrusive thoughts that attack the things I care about most and then tells me those thoughts define who I am. One of the themes is the fear that I’m secretly attracted to children, even though that’s the exact opposite of what I want and it’s one of the reasons the thoughts terrify me so much. I know people with OCD might understand what I’m talking about, but it still feels impossible to explain to everyone else.

My younger sister has become my whole world over the years. She’s the person I wanted to protect more than anyone. Lately we’ve been growing apart, and I know some of it is just her getting older, but it absolutely breaks my heart. I even had a nightmare that she died, and I woke up crying. I feel like I’ve failed her somehow, even if I can’t explain why.

I’m trying so hard to keep my faith in God because it’s one of the only things I’ve ever been able to hold onto, but lately even that feels distant. That scares me more than I can describe.

I keep thinking things like, “How much longer until I’m not swollen from surgery? How much longer until my memory comes back? How much longer until I don’t have to rely on Ativan just to get through the day?” I don’t even trust my own memory anymore. I’ll completely forget conversations or things I’ve done until someone reminds me. It feels like pieces of my life are just disappearing.

I’m grieving a childhood I never really got to have. I was born with a cleft lip and palate and have had more than 20 surgeries. Every summer seemed to revolve around another operation, another recovery, another appointment. I never got to play sports because of my medical issues, and now I’m 15. Everyone keeps saying adulthood is around the corner, but I don’t feel ready at all. I still feel like I’m waiting for my childhood to finally begin, except now it’s almost over.

I look at other teenagers worrying about games, friends, and summer vacations, and I wonder why my life became hospitals, surgeries, medications, and recovery. I don’t know where I fit into the world anymore. What am I supposed to become after all of this?

More than anything, I’m just hungry for connection. I want someone to really know me. To understand me without me having to explain every diagnosis, every surgery, every reason why I am the way I am. I want to be loved for who I am instead of feeling like I have to apologize for existing.

I’ve also realized I have so much anger inside me. Not the kind where I want to hurt anyone—just anger that my childhood was stolen by medical problems. Twenty-one surgeries before I could even drive. Years of recovery. Constant waiting. Constant hoping that this surgery would finally be the last one.

Sometimes I feel like a newborn deer that’s expected to survive on its own. Everyone else seems to know how to live, and I’m just trying to figure out how to make it through another day.

I even joined a cleft lip and palate support group hoping I’d finally find people who understood. I suggested making a collaborative book where people could share their stories. Because of my visual perception problems and lazy eye, I used AI-generated illustrations instead of drawing them myself. Instead of understanding, a couple of people criticized me for using AI. I ended up leaving the group. I wasn’t trying to take shortcuts—I was just trying to create something beautiful that I physically struggle to make any other way.

I’m so tired of explaining myself. Tired of defending myself. Tired of feeling like I have to justify why I do things the way I do.

I really don’t want advice right now. I just want someone to hear me. I want someone to tell me I’m not crazy for grieving the childhood I never got, for feeling exhausted, scared, and angry all at the same time.

I know I have a will to live. I want a future. I want to love people, maybe even become a mother someday. But right now I’m just so incredibly tired, and I don’t know how to carry everything I’ve been carrying anymore. I just want to know I’m not alone

I’m 15, withdrawing from Effexor, and I feel like I’ve completely lost myself. I was born with a cleft lip and palate and have had 21 surgeries, including another major facial surgery recently. I also have PTSD, severe OCD, anxiety, and I’ve barely slept this week.

My OCD has been relentless with intrusive thoughts that make me question who I am, and I keep obsessing over my surgery recovery. Last night I had horrible nightmares about my younger sister, and today I was so out of it I couldn’t even follow a conversation. She got frustrated with me, and it honestly broke my heart.

My doctor told me I’m medically okay but said my body has been through “a year of hell” and she’s surprised I haven’t fainted. I realized I’ve spent so much of my childhood recovering from surgeries that I feel like I never really got to be a kid.

I’ve reached a point where I don’t even recognize myself anymore.

My OCD has gotten so severe that it convinces me I’m a horrible person. It gives me intrusive thoughts that attack the things I care about most and then tells me those thoughts define who I am. One of the themes is the fear that I’m secretly attracted to children, even though that’s the exact opposite of what I want and it’s one of the reasons the thoughts terrify me so much. I know people with OCD might understand what I’m talking about, but it still feels impossible to explain to everyone else.

My younger sister has become my whole world over the years. She’s the person I wanted to protect more than anyone. Lately we’ve been growing apart, and I know some of it is just her getting older, but it absolutely breaks my heart. I even had a nightmare that she died, and I woke up crying. I feel like I’ve failed her somehow, even if I can’t explain why.

I’m trying so hard to keep my faith in God because it’s one of the only things I’ve ever been able to hold onto, but lately even that feels distant. That scares me more than I can describe.

I keep thinking things like, “How much longer until I’m not swollen from surgery? How much longer until my memory comes back? How much longer until I don’t have to rely on Ativan just to get through the day?” I don’t even trust my own memory anymore. I’ll completely forget conversations or things I’ve done until someone reminds me. It feels like pieces of my life are just disappearing.

I’m grieving a childhood I never really got to have. I was born with a cleft lip and palate and have had more than 20 surgeries. Every summer seemed to revolve around another operation, another recovery, another appointment. I never got to play sports because of my medical issues, and now I’m 15. Everyone keeps saying adulthood is around the corner, but I don’t feel ready at all. I still feel like I’m waiting for my childhood to finally begin, except now it’s almost over.

I look at other teenagers worrying about games, friends, and summer vacations, and I wonder why my life became hospitals, surgeries, medications, and recovery. I don’t know where I fit into the world anymore. What am I supposed to become after all of this?

More than anything, I’m just hungry for connection. I want someone to really know me. To understand me without me having to explain every diagnosis, every surgery, every reason why I am the way I am. I want to be loved for who I am instead of feeling like I have to apologize for existing.

I’ve also realized I have so much anger inside me. Not the kind where I want to hurt anyone—just anger that my childhood was stolen by medical problems. Twenty-one surgeries before I could even drive. Years of recovery. Constant waiting. Constant hoping that this surgery would finally be the last one.

Sometimes I feel like a newborn deer that’s expected to survive on its own. Everyone else seems to know how to live, and I’m just trying to figure out how to make it through another day.

I even joined a cleft lip and palate support group hoping I’d finally find people who understood. I suggested making a collaborative book where people could share their stories. Because of my visual perception problems and lazy eye, I used AI-generated illustrations instead of drawing them myself. Instead of understanding, a couple of people criticized me for using AI. I ended up leaving the group. I wasn’t trying to take shortcuts—I was just trying to create something beautiful that I physically struggle to make any other way.

I’m so tired of explaining myself. Tired of defending myself. Tired of feeling like I have to justify why I do things the way I do.

II want someone to tell me I’m not crazy for grieving the childhood I never got, for feeling exhausted, scared, and angry all at the same time.

I know I have a will to live. I want a future. I want to love people, maybe even become a mother someday. But right now I’m just so incredibly tired, and I don’t know how to carry everything I’ve been carrying anymore. I just want to know I’m not alone

m 15, withdrawing from Effexor, and I feel like I’ve completely lost myself. I was born with a cleft lip and palate and have had 21 surgeries, including another major facial surgery recently. I also have PTSD, severe OCD, anxiety, and I’ve barely slept this week. my biggest concern is my memory loss I had sugerey a month ago my last one yay it was 5.5 hours long ask me any questions in the comments

My OCD has been relentless with intrusive thoughts that make me question who I am, and I keep obsessing over my surgery recovery. Last night I had horrible nightmares about my younger sister, and today I was so out of it I couldn’t even follow a conversation. She got frustrated with me, and it honestly broke my heart.

My doctor told me I’m medically okay but said my body has been through “a year of hell” and she’s surprised I haven’t fainted. I realized I’ve spent so much of my childhood recovering from surgeries that I feel like I never really got to be a kid.

I’ve reached a point where I don’t even recognize myself anymore.

My OCD has gotten so severe that it convinces me I’m a horrible person. It gives me intrusive thoughts that attack the things I care about most and then tells me those thoughts define who I am. One of the themes is the fear that I’m secretly attracted to children, even though that’s the exact opposite of what I want and it’s one of the reasons the thoughts terrify me so much. I know people with OCD might understand what I’m talking about, but it still feels impossible to explain to everyone else.

My younger sister has become my whole world over the years. She’s the person I wanted to protect more than anyone. Lately we’ve been growing apart, and I know some of it is just her getting older, but it absolutely breaks my heart. I even had a nightmare that she died, and I woke up crying. I feel like I’ve failed her somehow, even if I can’t explain why.

I’m trying so hard to keep my faith in God because it’s one of the only things I’ve ever been able to hold onto, but lately even that feels distant. That scares me more than I can describe.

I keep thinking things like, “How much longer until I’m not swollen from surgery? How much longer until my memory comes back? How much longer until I don’t have to rely on Ativan just to get through the day?” I don’t even trust my own memory anymore. I’ll completely forget conversations or things I’ve done until someone reminds me. It feels like pieces of my life are just disappearing.

I’m grieving a childhood I never really got to have. I was born with a cleft lip and palate and have had more than 20 surgeries. Every summer seemed to revolve around another operation, another recovery, another appointment. I never got to play sports because of my medical issues, and now I’m 15. Everyone keeps saying adulthood is around the corner, but I don’t feel ready at all. I still feel like I’m waiting for my childhood to finally begin, except now it’s almost over.

I look at other teenagers worrying about games, friends, and summer vacations, and I wonder why my life became hospitals, surgeries, medications, and recovery. I don’t know where I fit into the world anymore. What am I supposed to become after all of this?

More than anything, I’m just hungry for connection. I want someone to really know me. To understand me without me having to explain every diagnosis, every surgery, every reason why I am the way I am. I want to be loved for who I am instead of feeling like I have to apologize for existing.

I’ve also realized I have so much anger inside me. Not the kind where I want to hurt anyone—just anger that my childhood was stolen by medical problems. Twenty-one surgeries before I could even drive. Years of recovery. Constant waiting. Constant hoping that this surgery would finally be the last one.

Sometimes I feel like a newborn deer that’s expected to survive on its own. Everyone else seems to know how to live, and I’m just trying to figure out how to make it through another day.

I even joined a cleft lip and palate support group hoping I’d finally find people who understood. I suggested making a collaborative book where people could share their stories. Because of my visual perception problems and lazy eye, I used AI-generated illustrations instead of drawing them myself. Instead of understanding, a couple of people criticized me for using AI. I ended up leaving the group. I wasn’t trying to take shortcuts—I was just trying to create something beautiful that I physically struggle to make any other way.

I’m so tired of explaining myself. Tired of defending myself. Tired of feeling like I have to justify why I do things the way I do.

I just want to feel real

I know I have a will to live. I want a future. I want to love people, maybe even become a mother someday. But right now I’m just so incredibly tired, and I don’t know how to carry everything I’ve been carrying anymore. I just want to know I’m not alone