u/Responsible_Lime6316

My Mom needs 24/7 care, is mostly in bed from a stroke caused by a heart infection (although she is slowly learning how to walk again).

Is it for the lack of a better work usual for families to splinter apart, in that I mean have no relationships with each other bar caring for and spending time with the one person being cared for?

Is it also usual for one person to make many excuses and then be unreliable when they said they'd be there before bow out from doing any caregiving after 6 months and just want to do the outings so that they still have a relationship/time with Mom?

I read somewhere that usually one person takes on the majority of the care within a family but I just wanted to know from someone in the same position as such, rather than generally through the internet.

Thank you

I have a mom who needs round the clock care from heart failure which led to a stroke and is now bed bound. Family members aren't helping in the same way as others, I understand that each person is unique but to be frank its not fair.

I have a sister who decides one night every two weeks is enough and then to do the fun stuff like outings (most of the time once Mom is all dressed, in wheelchair etc and ready to go or already at the venue).

I have a dad who is not a homebody and uses any excuse he can think of to not be at home, supporting charities out in the community each week, grocery shopping etc. At the moment I am there Sunday night, first thing Monday, Tuesday 9am to 2pm, Thursday night and Friday 9am to 2pm. That's two mornings a week he can go out and two nights a week he can be off roster from sleeping next to mum.

If my sister does her week that's 3 days a week he is out, and he wanted to add sending Mom to a stroke victim day care program so that would have been 4 days a week he is out.

I have work and study commitments and say that on the group chat but no one seems to take notice and then assumes I'll be round to do stuff if asked.

I can do a 8 hour shift and come round for my night next to Mom and there's no how was your day just straight into can you do this etc, then dad leaves the next morning with bye remember to do this and this e.g. washing, dishwasher.

I feel like I'm a maid and caregiver while my dad goes out and my sister gets away with whatever she wants because she has what she calls 'boundaries'. I have to pack up my life every 3 days or so and make sure I have everything as I can't just pop out and get it.

Basically dad wants to be out as much as he can and my sister just pops in and out whenever she wants and gets to do all the 'fun stuff'. Then buggers off after like 2 to 3 hours.

So I don't really have a relationship with my Dad or sister anymore. Especially my sister because there's no point asking for more help even if I had somewhere to go or to do she'd just carry on calling me a dictator.

Has anyone been in this situation? And if so what did they do to get over their resentment of other family members, while sticking up for themselves and spending quality time with the sick parent.