idk anym
hello! im a completer from ust jhs and have had a streak in academic excellence ever since. i did so well from grade school up to jhs, like so freaking well, and i was even fortunate enough to be awarded high honors multiple times.
ever since i was a kid, i always wanted to be in the medical field.
but entering ust shs? damn. im so dumbfounded. i have a 73. i feel so stupid. i feel like all my efforts arent enough. i manage my time, i listen when i can, i try my best to keep up, but im always sick. walang araw na wala akong sakit. and it hurts so much knowing that because of this, im automatically stripped of my honors.
my parents told me that its part of life and i know they’re right, but im still sad. im so so sad. sobrang lungkot ko. deep down, i feel like i disappointed my parents too. kasi i was so consistent before tapos biglang ligwak. biology pa talaga 💀 pero ang baba ko rin sa ibang subjects.
what is happening to me?
it has been affecting my mental health way too much. my suic— thoughts have been affecting me way too often. its hurting me so much. idk what to do anymore. im scared that i wont survive shs.
i know one grade doesnt define my intelligence or my future, but right now, ang hirap paniwalaan non. i just feel so tired and disappointed in myself. i miss the version of me who felt capable of doing things. i just want to feel like myself again.
and honestly, i think thats also why ive been trying to reach out and ask for help. i know i cant keep everything to myself, especially when ive been feeling like this for so long. pero whenever i try to open up to other people, i end up wanting to keep everything to myself kasi i feel so invalidated sometimes. they’ll say things like, “ah, normal lang ’yan,” “napagdadaanan naman ng lahat ’yan,” or “susuko ka na agad?”
and i mean, i know they probably mean well. i know they’re trying to reassure me and tell me that im not alone, and in a way, that is comforting. pero idk, i think i just need someone to actually listen to me without immediately telling me that what im going through is normal or something everyone goes through.
kasi kahit normal siya, it still hurts. kahit napagdadaanan siya ng iba, im still struggling with it right now. i dont need someone to tell me that i should be able to handle it. i think i just need someone to tell me that its okay na im having a hard time and actually help me figure out what to do.