Applying for jobs after being terminated
36F, LMSW, southern United States.
I was recently terminated from my job at a social services nonprofit that I had held for about 4 years. I have mental health episodes that cause me to shut down and no call, no show, sometimes for several days. It had happened twice in the past, and my boss has been kind and understanding. But the last time they had said if it happened again, I may be terminated. Well it happened again. I got fired. I take full responsibility and do not blame my employer for making this decision.
I'm embarrassed and horrified and very sad, but it may have been the wakeup call I needed to get my shit together - I'm seeing a therapist more regularly, getting back on meds, and focusing more on my own wellness. But now I'm left with a question of - what now?
I've never had to look for a new job without a good reference from my most recent employer. I asked my boss when I left if they'd be willing to write a reference for me. They were unsure and said they would want to be honest if asked how things ended. I get that. So how do I explain this?
Other career related subs say to lie, lie, lie, or at least lie by omission. Say it was "not a good fit" or that "our values were not aligned." And obviously I would not go as far as to disclose my mental health details to a potential employer in an interview. But I'm left with uncertainty about how to handle this delicately.
The way I see it, I have these options:
-Ask my former boss for a reference and hope they don't ask about how things ended
-Ask a different colleague for a reference and ask if they're willing to fib for me (this feels icky and risky)
-Do not offer a reference from my most recent employer and be vague or not completely truthful in explaining why the job ended
-Apply for jobs outside the field without a current employer reference - I have overarching criticisms of the nonprofit sector that I feel comfortable elaborating on, as a reason why I'm leaving the field
-Option 5, aka something I haven't thought of yet?
What would you do?