KPMG x OVO Collab
I’d really love to spend a few hours inside our CEO’s brain.
“Hey staff! Are you coming in 4 days a week? Oh, some of your teams are adhering to my mandate but most definitely aren’t? That’s ok, it won’t matter at all in calibration anyway so if you don’t listen to my directive - great news, it won’t make any difference at all in terms of your rating! Even HR doesn’t give a shit!
Oh, your colleagues are all leaving for the exact same role at other Big 4 firms for $30-40k more a year without the same RTO nonsense? Well, that sucks - more work for you though!! We are tooooootally reviewing your comp and that should happen at some point in the next 5 years. Yes, we said that the last 5 years too but that’s all part of the fun!
Speaking of comp, bad news - we’re not doing super well this year so you guys are only getting 2 summer days off. But don’t worry! A day after letting you know this unfortunate update, aren’t you SO EXCITED to see me featured in a promotional video where I rent out the Blue Jays stadium (don’t ask me how much that one cost) to announce we’re partnering with a controversial loser pedophile rapper and for the low low price of $700 you can own a disgustingly ugly bomber jacket with a giant owl on it? Because you totally make enough money to buy one!”
Like seriously WTF is leadership thinking?
ETA: I keep getting this question in my DMs but this is Canada only, not KPMG US.