My Life So Far
Hello, well this has been stuck in my chest and I just need to share this story with someone so here I am, english is not my first language so apologies for grammar
Let's start at the beginning shall we? I was born poor family barely able to make ends meets my father died long before I was born in a landslide accident in his work abroud, my grandfather was an owner of a lumbermill but his business go bankrupt after his manager ran away with the money.
After the bankruptcy we basically live off the money we have left until my mother decided to bet it all on opening her diner, and thankfully it was more than enough to support us to this day.
The happy time last short though, when I was 8 years old. I slip and fell from the 2nd floor that broke my hand in a way that will never heal, often times if I overworked it, it will start hurting or even temporarily paralyzed. It will go back to normal after a few hours tho.
This caused me to get bullied all the way from elementary to middle school, though my save and grace was a girlfriend I had in middle school though one day she got an offer she can transfer to another school in another country to chase her dreams, she can't choose between us and her dreams so she ask me to choose for her and maybe I was selfish or too selfless told her to go, we promised to meet again after she graduated middle school, everything was fine sure I still get bullied but calls and messages with her was my saving grace. Then near graduation the messages and call stop I thought she was busy, there were times when we stop talking for a bit because school stuff. Then I thought maybe she moved on so I shallow that thought away and well let's just say I prefer if she moved on than what came next.
A few days after graduation her parents actually came to me for a visit and delivering news, my girlfriend passed away during her graduation trip her transport was hit by some sort irony a landslide and she unfortunately can't be saved. That's probably when I learned about mortality.
High school applications wasn't great, I was still distraught with the news that I missed the deadlines so I had to go to another town thankfully there is a vocational high school that still admitting students no regrets on that front met some friends that became lifelong friends to this day. High School was happy times for me you can even say my peak. Though on graduation my mom didn't come, and I had to go home with a public transport not that I mind but it hurts and it's kinda ruin our relationship to this day.
Next is college, well I didn't pass for national college I aimed at so I go to a public college for IT degreea since I love computers and coding so might as well, everything was fine until 3rd semester got bullied again not physically but mentally all the way until 8th semester I always be the one that had to scrap a projects together last minute, professors doesn't care, my group doesn't care, and I can't afford to not do it or I had to repeat some course so I just did it silently then around 6th semester I was burned out then pandemic strike so we had to do online classes, my grandfather started to get sick first he struggling to walk then he lost all feelings in his leg and right before I had to present my thesis proposal during the 7th semester, he passed away I attend the funeral and while still in distraught had to do the presentations for me and my group of 5 for our thesis. We failed of course I fumbled it real hard, got the blame and well it was me who fumbled so yeah deserved I guess. Then after that I quit for 2 years.
My mom though drag me back and told me to finish my degree at least and it will be my final ask for her after that I am free to do whatever I wanted so I agree took a year to finish it but I graduated last December in fact, now 26 with my only job experiences is 2 internship as a CCTV technician and Computer Teacher and 2 years worth of freelancing as a tech support while I ran away from college.
And we came to the present I am still job hunting but the trauma of college still linger if I open any form of coding software in my laptop, I hyperventilate and almost pass out a few times. So I guess working as a coder is not in the cards, any labor isn't in the cards as well my right arm hasn't healed at all. But I dunno maybe there is something for me out there, I don't have my life together but hei I still try to heal and everything.
And well if you read this far thank you, if not I understand I reread and this is quite a read but I have a lot that I kept inside it just kept coming out as I typed. Have a good day.