Looking for feedback on my daughters poem
my daughter wrote this slam poem for an upcoming school competition. she has never written slam before , she is a complete beginner, and we were wondering on what she was doing right and wrong? thank you. here is the poem:
What lurks in the back of our heads
Is the things that people said
their words are piercing
Sitting at the bottom of our stomach
like uncooked meat
Unable to digest their opinions
So we are left
With this sickening feeling
That keeps appearing
A little voice everyday
That tells us to hate , gnaws away
Bit by bit consuming your your mind
Until you truly believe it.
Until the words that you are ugly
That you need to be pretty, need to be more
Have seeped into your every pore
And the belief you aren’t enough
Becomes one that you can’t ignore.
And people don’t like the dark
They don’t like what they don’t know at core
It has always been like this,
We have suffered this way before.
Society profits of us wanting to change
To poke , brush , prod and paint ourself
In to a version that isn’t us
A replica of the girl on the magazine
Who has also suffered like this
Who is also broken at the seams
The stuff we buy
To change us
Will never be enough
So they sell us another product
This system is corrupt.
Is it really that rebellious to love oneself?
They call us ugly
To sell us something that will change us
Re-arrange us
But I’ve had enough of this same old game.
I refuse to apologize
For the bags under my eyes
And the hair on my legs
For the frizz in my hair
I refuse to apologize
For the pimples on my nose
the lumps in my ponytail
And the clothes
That i wear
I will not compromise myself
If society doesn’t like my face
Then society can suffer.
I will not re-mold myself in to another version
I was born as myself
And as myself i will die
I will not compromise.
So,
I refuse to apologize.
And i hope you do too
This is the start of a journey
But if we love ourselves then we cannot lose.