Will I ever go back to “normal”?
I’ve had OCD all my life but it was only diagnosed recently. Last year in January a bunch of factors came together and triggered my first ever rumination spiral so bad that I couldn’t go to work and it was only made worse by me giving into the rumination because I didn’t understand what it was or that letting myself dwell on the obsessive thoughts was making it worse.
That lasted about two weeks in total, about half of which I was so consumed with terror and panic that I couldn’t bare to do anything but sit on my couch and watch kids movies from my childhood.
I assumed it was a freak thing brought on my stress and illness, but then about a couple weeks ago it happened again. This time was less severe and I understood more of what was happening so I knew was more successful at stopping myself from ruminating. Lasted probably ten days and I only had to call off work once.
Cut to a few days ago, a trigger sets me off once again. This time I’m fully prepared and I have been very successful in fending off the thoughts so far, not letting myself give in to the want to analyze my compulsive thoughts. I haven’t had to call off, and I’ve even had a couple stretches where I felt mostly normal.
But it still hasn’t gone away. I know it’s not even been a week yet, but I assumed that since I wasn’t giving in to the rumination I would starve it out faster. Not to mention this one happened so close to the last one when the one before that was over a year ago.
Am I just going to have to exist like this forever? Arguing with my brain every ten seconds? Sedating myself to sleep? I know that there’s no cure for OCD, but am I just going to never feel in control of my mind again for the rest of my life???