rant.
being hard of hearing is very hard. i keep telling myself you can do this, it’ll get better, it’s just a matter of time.. but no. i fear that it’ll stay the same for rest of my life.
i had normal hearing as a kid. i have no idea why my hearing gradually reduced during my teen years. everything became hard later on. i couldn’t understand classes, i couldn’t build a proper conversation. i slowly started to isolate myself. i talked less. everyone around said that my voice has become soft / low. it’s obvious because i literally stopped talking. i somehow managed my schooling. later when i joined university i was full of anxiety and nervousness. four years has passed since then. i managed my college thanks to some good friends and of course technology through which i self taught myself most of the time. and now after joining a corporate i feel even more scared. unlike school and university, i might have to keep communicating every now and then. it feels too hard. and top of that i feel lonely and depressed. i am unable build connections. unable to have a proper conversation with someone. so many years has passed since my hearing loss but nothing changed. i still isolate myself, i still talk less, i still worry about my future / career.. is there no end to this? how long will this go on? i am really tired.
PS. i used hearing aids years ago. but it’s of no use to me. it was just some increase in sound / noise. finally i decided to undergo cochlear implant last year thinking it’ll help me in my career. so many months passed and i still don’t have proper speech clarity. every day i just hope for it to get better. but tbh i don’t think it’ll improve anytime soon or this will be the case for the rest of my life.
i didn’t feel like ranting to anyone i know. so am posting this here as there might be someone with similar experiences. i just feel like sharing so it’ll make me feel light. thanks ;)