"How can our understanding of mortality shape the way we live? Palliative care doctors and death doulas share the lessons they have learned

We will all face death one day, but our attitude towards this is individual. How can our understanding of mortality shape our approach to life? Here, palliative care doctors and death doulas share what they know about the end – and how it informs the way they live."

People come here fairly regularly looking for a shaman who'll mentor them, usually because they want to become a shaman themselves.

There's nothing wrong with wanting a mentor. The problem is that most people asking this question don't understand how unlikely it is that a shaman will take them on as an apprentice, particularly when they're an outsider to that shaman's religion and culture.

Before getting into how you can actually find someone to work with, it helps to understand what you're looking for and what you can reasonably expect to find.

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What are you actually looking for?

Do you want help communicating with spirits? Are you trying to understand experiences you've been having? Are you looking for a spiritual practice, or are you specifically asking someone to train you to become a shaman? Those aren't the same thing.

Anyone can learn general spirit communication and anyone can develop a powerful spiritual practice. You don't need to become a shaman to do either of those things, and a shaman may be willing to teach you some skills without ever considering you an apprentice.

A lot of people who say they want to become shamans are really just looking for a spiritual practice that involves spirits and maybe a bit of magick. They've encountered a particular idea of shamanism that appeals to them and assumed becoming a shaman is the natural destination. It probably isn't.

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Shamans don't generally take on outsiders as apprentices

Most shamans aren't looking for apprentices, and they aren't waiting for strangers to contact them so they can pass on their religion.

The average shaman wouldn't accept most people from within their own culture for an apprenticeship - and most people within that culture wouldn't be interested in becoming shamans, anyway. This is a religious vocation with numerous responsibilities attached to it.

When you approach a shaman as an outsider and ask them to take you on as an apprentice, you're asking for something that probably wouldn't be possible for most people from their own community. That doesn't mean it can never happen, but people need to understand how unusual apprenticing as a foreigner actually is.

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Shamans are ordained religious leaders

A shaman isn't simply someone who's good at communicating with spirits. Shamans are religious leaders who've been ordained by their teachers/elders/communities and hold specific roles.

Shamans may be responsible for birth and funerary rites. They may conduct ceremonies for families, maintain relationships with spirits/ancestors, provide pastoral counsel or whatever other duties are expected of them. The exact responsibilities vary between religions, but this is a religious vocation with real obligations attached to it.

When you ask someone to 'make you a shaman' you're literally asking them to ordain you as clergy within their religion. A shaman will almost certainly consider this a strange question given that you probably know very little about the actual religion, as most shamanic cultures don't share meaningful details with outsiders.

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The religion part isn't optional

Why would someone train you to become one of their religious leaders when you don't practice their religion? You wouldn't approach a catholic priest and tell them you're not a christian but would still like to be trained for the priesthood.

Shamanic religions deserve the same basic respect. Moreover, many of these traditions are closed, either entirely or in part. There may be practices you're allowed to witness but not perform, things a shaman can explain but not teach, and things they can't share with you at all.

Those boundaries aren't an obstacle you're supposed to find a way around.

If a shaman's willing to teach you something, respect the limits they put around what they're sharing. Being trusted with one practice doesn't give you access to the next one, and being welcomed into one part of someone's culture doesn't mean the rest of it has suddenly become open to you.

And if what you actually want is simply to communicate with spirits or develop a general spiritual practice, you can do those things easily enough without becoming a shaman.

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Spirits can't make you a shaman

Some (not all) shamanic cultures understand spirits as having a role in calling people toward this work - but that doesn't mean a person can declare themselves a shaman because spirits told them they are.

A calling and becoming a shaman aren't the same thing.

If a spirit told you that you're now a catholic priest, the catholic church would have some follow up questions for you. Shamanic religions aren't somehow more abstract because they're unfamiliar to you.

If you believe you've received a genuine calling, finding the people whose religion you're supposedly being called into should be part of figuring out what that calling actually means.

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Spiritual experiences don't make you a shaman

Having an NDE doesn't make you a shaman. Neither does engaging with spirits, psychedelics, having visions or going through something that you understand to be a spiritual awakening.

That doesn't mean your experiences weren't very important. Something can spiritually transform the way you understand yourself and the world without needing to fit it into a particular box. You can explore what happened and learn how to work with your experiences without immediately deciding what they should make you.

'I don't know what this means yet' is a perfectly reasonable place to be.

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But I didn't choose this. The spirits chose me. I went through shamanic illness.

Shamanic illness isn't a universal concept - it doesn't even exist in most shamanic cultures. Where it does exist, whether something is actually considered shamanic illness is determined by shamans within that religion, not by the person experiencing it. Moreover, in most shamanic cultures, becoming a shaman has a hereditary component, which makes the idea of an outsider being called into someone else's religion even more unlikely.

While we’re dispelling western myths, let’s take a moment to clarify that most shamans don’t interpret mental health disorders as a spiritual calling. A shaman may be able to support you alongside conventional mental health care, but don't expect them to tell you that your schizophrenia diagnosis is actually evidence that you're a powerful shaman and your doctor simply doesn't understand what's happening to you.

Spiritual awakenings, on the other hand, aren't uncommon - they can awaken gifts and change the course of one's life. They can also be frightening, confusing and very overwhelming. You may believe you're encountering spirits or having other experiences you don't know how to make sense of. A shaman can probably help you understand what's happening and learn how to navigate it - but don’t expect them to call it a shamanic illness or calling.

In reality, the people who most frequently cite the concept of shamanic illness are western grifters presenting themselves as shamans despite having no authority to do so. 'The spirits chose me. I became mentally/spiritually/physically ill. I resisted my calling for as long as I could and eventually I had no choice but to become a shaman and embrace my path to heal/bless/save humanity'

It's a very convenient origin story and when people who are genuinely struggling hear someone claim it, they often latch onto that classic trope themselves because 'I'm experiencing a shamanic calling' can feel more comfortable than 'I might need professional help of some kind'

If you're experiencing a spiritual awakening or are otherwise struggling to understand what's happening to you, a shaman may be able to help you work through it. This is part of what shamans do. But don't expect them to respond with, 'You've been chosen. Let's make you a shaman!'

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How to actually find a shaman to mentor you

If you want to work with a shaman, look for shamans from the shamanic culture you're interested in. For many shamanic cultures, this can be done in person or online. While less common for shamans older than 65, many under that age do have websites these days, and many offer services to clients outside of their culture. If you find someone you feel drawn to, work with them as a client before asking about mentorship.

This gives you a chance to see what they're actually like and whether you trust them. It also gives them a chance to know who you are. If the relationship continues and you still want to learn from them, ask whether they teach. They may be willing to teach you certain things without ever offering you an apprenticeship, and that's completely normal.

If they tell you there are things they can't teach you, respect that. Don't assume that enough time, money or persistence will eventually earn you access. Some knowledge may be restricted to particular people within their culture, and your teacher isn't obligated to violate those boundaries simply because you're interested.

Participating in their ceremonies doesn't make you their student and being taught something doesn't make you their apprentice - those relationships only exist when both people actually agree that they exist.

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Not everyone from a shamanic culture is a shaman

People sometimes become so focused on finding a shaman from a particular culture that they forget to establish whether that person is actually qualified to offer what they're selling.

It should go without saying, but most people from shamanic cultures aren't shamans and growing up around a given religion doesn't give someone the authority to train anyone else in its sacred practices.

Grifters exist in every culture.

If someone offers to train you as a shaman, here's a useful reality check - if people within their own community wouldn't ordinarily be accepted for training, but foreigners can conveniently purchase it freely, you should have questions.

Paying a shaman for their time isn't the issue - you absolutely SHOULD pay a shaman for their time. But courses that promise to make you shaman, particularly via group/online classes, are pure scammery.

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Neoshamans aren't shamans

If you decide that what you're seeking is an open spiritual system with conventional classes/courses, you're probably looking for the western neoshamanic 'core shamanism' practice invented by Michael Harner. You can easily find pages and pages of neoshamans and neoshamanic classes with a simple google search.

Neoshamanic practices can be as helpful as any other spiritual endeavor, but in this space we do try to respect shamanic cultures and clearly distinguish between the two.

"Dr. Lee, a medical doctor certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, describes himself as a "holistic, integrative psychiatrist who uses a Spiritual approach towards mental health."

According to the arrest report, Lee organized a ceremony at a Miami Beach wellness house, and he acknowledged given Sodhi a combination of substances including ketamine and MDMA. The Medical Examiner’s toxicology report later revealed that those substances were found in her body as well as DMT, a psychedelic.

The arrest report also notes that she consumed a parasite cleanse that "was recommended" by Lee before spending time inside a sauna. The report states "The Victim's exposure to an infrared Sauna, amplified the effects of the substances."

Florida Department of Health licensing records show Lee's state medical license is now listed as delinquent. Lee is also licensed to practice in Texas, where the state’s medical board temporarily suspended his license noting "his continuation in the practice of medicine poses a continuing threat to public welfare" and citing the death of Sodhi."

Full article: https://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/doctor-charged-in-fatal-heart-protocol-ceremony-ordered-to-stop-practicing/3835451/

>Specialized death services help people process their grief with others who relate to them. “We deserve to be seen,” Moor said. “Death isn’t just a medical or a legal event. It’s cultural, spiritual or familial. It’s human. The way someone wants to be cared for at the end of life is deeply connected to who they are, where they come from and what they believe in.”

Hey there!

If you have a particular flair you'd like to see us add, whether for users or for posts, please drop it below and we'll take it into consideration!

Ofc, we can't have flair for every single type of practice or practitioner that exists, but the most popular suggestions will give us a direction to head in.

We had issues with editable flairs not being used as intended, thus we'll be having a select set going forward.

We'll leave this post up for a bit and then when flairs are ready we'll post an update.

Thanks in advance!

It’s August! We’re pinning a fresh Death Anxiety Megathread here at the top of the board. This will stay up all month long so anyone who needs a place to talk about death dread, panic, or the big questions can always find it.

Resources

Some death anxiety resources are located here in our wiki (which is still under construction, so bear with us!)

Some death anxiety journal prompts to try:

If you’re the kind of person who connects through symbol, inner landscape or ancestral reflection, these prompts may resonate.

• What does my fear cost me each day?
• What has my fear given me?
• When has uncertainty led to something beautiful?

Don’t worry about making it poetic or insightful. Just start and follow where it leads. ♥︎

Somatic self-regulation tools

The following aren’t affirmations or thought exercises. They’re body-based ways to regulate your nervous system when death anxiety starts to take over. They work well for anyone living with heightened sensitivity.

• Sit or lie down and press your palms together firmly. Notice the pressure, warmth, and pulse between them. Let that pulse remind you that life is moving through you.
• Slowly trace the outline of your own hand with a finger. As you do, breathe in on the upward stroke, and breathe out on the downward stroke.

These aren’t magickal cures, but they are tools. Use them when you can. The more you do, the better and faster they tend to work.

This thread is open to all death anxiety experiences, whether you’re panicking about nothingness, stuck in existential dread, or just freaked out by the fact that - whatever this is - isn’t forever.

We’ll try to carry it together.

♥︎ Sibbie

Welcome to our August Grief Support Megathread. We’ve created this support space for things that feel too heavy to hold alone, are too hard to say out loud, or feel 'too small' to make a full post about.

Your grief doesn’t have to be new and it doesn’t have to be for a person, it might also be for a pet, life change, etc. You don’t have to explain it, you don’t have to make it make sense and you're not limited by how often you can post here. If it hurts, it matters and you’re welcome in this space.

Resources

Some grief support resources are located here in our wiki (which is still under construction, so bear with us!)

Journal prompts for grief

These prompts aren’t here to solve grief or make it smaller. They’re invitations to sit alongside it in whatever form it’s taking today. Write, draw, or let them just float in your mind...whatever feels possible.

• What would I want this person/pet to know about my life today?
• What memories make me smile instead of hurt?
• What guilt am I carrying that may not belong to me?

There’s no 'good' way to answer. Simply showing up is enough.

Somatic support for grief

Grief often hides in the body - in the breath, in the spine, in the weight of the shoulders. These small practices can help:

• Press your hand lightly to the center of your chest. With each breath, imagine a small light expanding behind your palm. No pressure to feel better, just observing.
• Wrap a blanket or shawl around your shoulders and imagine it as an embrace from someone who has loved you deeply. Breathe into that warmth for awhile.
• Let your shoulders rise toward your ears, then exhale and let them drop completely. Feel gravity doing part of the work for you.

These aren’t meant to 'fix' grief, they’re just ways to remind your body it doesn’t have to hold everything at once.

This thread is for whoever needs it today. Write a single word, tell a story, post a song lyric, or just be quietly present. We see you.

♥︎ Sibbie

I posted this last year but I think it's worth a refresh.

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From the Guardian: "The narrative of ancient tribes around the world regularly using ayahuasca and magic mushrooms in healing practices is a popular one. Is it true?

Beginning in 2001, the Austrian anthropologist Bernd Brabec de Mori spent six years living in the western Amazon. He first arrived as a backpacker, returned to do a master’s thesis on ayahuasca songs, and eventually did a PhD on the music of eight Indigenous peoples in the region. Along the way, he married a woman of the local Shipibo tribe and settled down.

“I did not have a lot of money,” he told me, “so I had to make my living there.” He became a teacher. He built a house. He and his wife had children. That rare experience of joining the community, he said, forced him to realise that many of the assumptions he had picked up as an anthropologist were wrong.

Like most outsiders, Brabec de Mori arrived in Peru thinking that ayahuasca had been used in the western Amazon for thousands of years. This is the standard narrative; look up resources on ayahuasca, and you’re bound to run into it. “Ayahuasca has been used in the Peruvian Amazon for millennia, long before the Spanish came to Peru, before the Incan empire was formed, before history,” states the website of the Ayahuasca Foundation, an organisation founded by a US citizen that offers ayahuasca retreats.

Yet with time, Brabec de Mori came to see just how flimsy this narrative was. He discovered “a double discourse, which happens in all societies where there is tourism”, he said. “People start to tell the tourists – and I found that most Shipibo people did not distinguish tourists from researchers – the stories they think are interesting for them and not what they really live with.”

His research showed just how large the discrepancy was."