u/Single-Emotion2964

I ..... may be highly irritable from my luteal phase but these words are irritating the crap out of me

I can't with the words in Adult romantasies.

Why would I read to understand things?

I only want to read books that are encrypted in an original medieval-esque language. Preferably a language the author made up. Otherwise it’s just not realistic

ideally I would understand nothing, it just has to be *authentic* and NOT CRINGE.

uj/ I too might be irritated in my luteal phase.

I’ve been thinking for a while now about the first (historical) romance I ever read, but can’t for the life of me remember enough to find it with google/AI. So I’m hoping you can help me! (Not sure if I chose the right flair either…)

What I remember:

• definitely a ranch/cowboy setting. Either US or Mexico I think…
• no idea what period but it sure wasn’t modern. They rode on horses.
• I think there might have been a black horse in the cover. And a lot of blue and gold.
• The romance was a sort of forced marriage or kidnapping situation. The MMC definitely had sort of Zorro vibes.
• FMC is pissed at him for a good portion of the book Until the good (non-con) sex convinces her otherwise (or maybe something less problematic but hey)
• I particularly remember a sex scene with her tied to the four-post bed due to escape attempts ??
• given on the dub-con/non-con leading to love, I’m guessing it’s published maybe 80s/90s??
• there might also have been some sex in the grass next to a river but Who knows

Anyways I’m writing this all and feeling a little odd that my mother explicitly gave me this book to read when I was like 15/16 but also teenage me enjoyed the heck out of it. Feels awkward to ask her about it again now though…

ETA: I’m searching romance.io as well 😭

just the title, basically

im a seasoned™️ writer obviously

i dream livid, moving and compelling sex scenes that make you feel *things* and squeeze your thighs together. and when I wake up I remember every detail and just immediately write it down and it’s perfect and my editor screams and cries and gives me no notes cuz I cooked

basically I’m better than you basic bitches sloopies

bow down

Hey sloops,

Can I also interest you in some unique FMC flavours ? While we often complain about the inanity of MMC scents, the FMC often gets neglected. The most horrendous best we get is “honeydew” which is just insulting and revolting.

Mr Single Emotion and I have joined forces. What are our credentials? He is an expert flavour man who owns an encyclopedia on tastes and once worked for three days in a professional kitchen. As for little old me, I’ve read both Perfume and Paladin’s Grace so I know what I’m talking about.

We are proud to introduce to you three new FMC flavors: authentic, personal and unique. Use at your own risk!

☀️🍅 Fried green tomatoes

Zesty but filling, healthy and also a guilty pleasure — this Flavour epitomizes the FMC full of contradictions! Is she strong AND smol? Clever AND naive? Then maybe it’s mayballine fried green tomatoes!

🍂🍄 Autumn forest

Suitable for that outdoorsy and mysterious FMC. She is difficult to pin down, but once you have her interest she’ll climb you like a tree. Dirt not included.

🍲✨ Solstice broth

Is your FMC a cozy, comforting type? Do her eyes shine brightly or reflect the moon? Nourish the romance and warm the heart with this flavour.

Orders opening soon!!

Bonus: I think these all can pair well with both Remmy’s plots and also the whole monster costume thing.

ETA: these are copywrited btw so no touching!

Spoiler: yes, do it.

I know quite a large amount of posters here are in the US, but for those of us in normal health care countries, I recommend finding a dance physiotherapist if you can -- even for small innocuous complaints! (Sorry Americans...I used to be one of you.)

[ETA: this was intended as a humorous disclaimer as often access to (specialized) healthcare is more limited in the US so it sucks to hear raving reviews if you can’t get the same. E.g. I literally had an appointment within a week and it was fully covered. I am aware that there are dance physiotherapists in the US…]

I've been to a lot of different physiotherapists, and for the first time yesterday went to one specialised in dance. Like, she also works for the royal conservatory. She knows her ballet. This was also the fastest intake appointment I've had while also ranking very high on thoroughness (no one can compete with the pelvic floor physio intake thoroughness -- if you know, you know).

Anyway it was just so nice to have someone who really understands what type of specific movements you want to do/are doing and can really analyse your body's ability to do those movements correctly and efficiently. She did a full body scan, to the level of detail where I now know that my big toes point straight ahead but bend slightly towards the other toes at the top; all my legs and arms are the same length as each other (yay!); and my right shoulder is slightly higher than my left.

All in all I was very pleased. It was just some small niggling overuse knee pain that was almost gone, but she's identified the likely root cause and given me some exercises for it. I really prefer to catch things early and not let them escalate, so my aim was achieved.

Plus she said I have very strong feet and calves so I'm blushing now of course.

Hi, my name is Single Emotion

You: Hi Single Emotion

I need to know if I'm the only one who actually gets jerky when a romantasy book just... sucks.

The latest one to do this to me (I'm so sorry to the fans) was {Blatant Self-Promotion} by Mid-At-Best Entitled Male. It put me into a circle jerk circle for weeks.

My husband, my colleagues and random strangers at bus stops suffered from my outraged screeches, huffing and intense eye rolling. If anyone dared approach me they would be treated to a treatise on idiot plots, NLOGs, implausible libido and the immaturity of the immortals.

Luckily a friend referred me to RCJ and now I am CURED. Instead of assaulting loved ones, I can simply unleash all my jerk online!

Who would like to share next?

Sloops it has come to my attention that we are being promoted as “surprisingly well-informed” on the main sub.

Now, I ain‘t been around here long but WHAT is a bunch of illiterate porn-addled smol women doing coming across as WELL INFORMED????

Our job is to jerk, not be a “helpful resource” to the deranged, be a “wealth of information”, or any other of that Advanced Reader™️ bullshit. Next thing you know they’ll be claiming we are capable of “deep analysis” when really all we should be aiming for is deep penetration.

So tits up, bowls watery, get your sloopy shit together, sweaties 💅🏼 Let’s be unhinged AND uninformed.

Public service announcement

I think I’ve seen a couple of posts regarding this previously. Diverso’s size charts make their leotards look like they run crazy small. After months of drooling and feeling sad for my long torso, I messaged their customer service to double-check.

🥁🥁🥁

Apparently the measurements listed are for the flat garment, not the body measurements 😭 You should just compare to a leo you have already. They will be updating their website info soon though as they seem to have realized that this is not ideal (my knitter soul is screaming in negative ease).

And *yours truly* will be ordering some leotards. And also feeling smug I hadn’t already ordered anything elsewhere.

Happy shopping!