I made my boss take the shit for his idiotic system to customers.
I work at a café where the owner is obsessed with “maximizing profit.” We already charged extra for oat milk, syrup, takeaway cups, basically everything except breathing near the espresso machine. Not too bad.
But one day he decided we were going to start charging for tap water.
Not bottled water. Tap water.
Like, someone buys a sandwich and asks for a glass of water? Boom. 75 cents.
Everyone on staff thought it was stupid, but he acted like he’d invented modern economics.
He even printed little signs explaining how “cups, dishwashing, and labor have costs.”
The funniest part was that he and everyone knew customers would hate this. Which is fair. I would too if I was a customer.
So I decided that every single time someone asked me for tap water, I’d smile and say something like
“Oh, my boss actually handles all questions about the water policy. One second.”
And then I’d go get him.
Every. Single. Time.
Didn’t matter if he was in the office, unloading stock, eating lunch, or pretending to do accounting on his laptop. If someone wanted free water, I summoned him like a cursed spirit.
At first he’d come out all confident with his rehearsed explanation:
“Well, unfortunately there are operational costs associated with-“
And customers would immediately hit him with:
“You’re charging for TAP WATER?”
“Are you serious?”
“I just spent €14 here.”
“Every other café gives it for free.”
“Is this legal?” (I looked it up, it’s not, lol)
Meanwhile I’d just stand there pretending to wipe the counter while enjoying the show.
This went on for like two weeks before he completely lost it.
One afternoon a few days ago he pulled me aside and went:
“You need to stop bringing me out there for this.”
I said, “But you made the rule.”
And he goes:
“Yes, but it’s degrading having to explain it to customers all day.”
I genuinely had to look away so he wouldn’t see me smiling.
Like… my brother in Christ, if explaining your own policy humiliates you, maybe the policy is the problem.
Anyway, as for now, the tap water charge disappeared. No announcement. No apology. The little signs just vanished overnight like they’d never existed.
Still one of the funniest acts of malicious compliance I’ve ever committed.