My maladaptive daydreaming is negatively impacting my academics and career, but it's also the only thing that is staving off the need to end my existence.
I recently discovered md to be a global phenomenon instead of just a glitch in my brain that I believed it to be so far (been doing it since I was a kid). Seen a lot of posts that imply in many cases md is used as a mechanism to counteract loneliness...
I'm not sure if my self hurt thoughts aren't just a way for me to subconsciously get attention that'd maybe rid me of the gaping void in my heart. I don't know whether I will actually go through with it, whether I'd end it. I don't want to but it scares me that I don't know for sure. I kinda want it to just be a cry for attention otherwise the fact that I say, that I love myself and that I am okay being alone, are just a lie I tell myself to feel better.
Have been dealing with body dysmorphia my whole life.
TLDR : Should I stop daydreaming even if thinking about stopping makes me wanna off myself?