Sahm and a husband who doesn’t help at all
I’ve been debating on even posting this but, per my last post - things have not been getting any better and I need to be told if I’m in the wrong for feeling this way or not.
After all of the incidents that have happened after the few first months of having our son, I have yet to truly forgive my husband for the things he said and did to me during early postpartum (context in my last post)
I have tried speaking to him as calmly and nicely as possible to try and avoid an argument and it erupts into something insane every single time.
On top of that, he doesn’t help with anything. He works from home and doesn’t even get out of bed until the minute his work starts, literally, his start time is 8:00am and he has his alarm set to 8:00am. I make his coffee and bring it to his office, make him lunch and bring that to his office as well. Dinner is sometimes challenging because our son is usually ready to start his bedtime routine around 6:30 so everyday I juggle how to simultaneously do dinner, bath time and bedtime all at once. He’s off at 6:00pm, he’ll come downstairs while I’m cooking dinner and say hi to our son and has never even offered to do any of his night routine or get it started so I can at least finish cooking. It’s not that I mind doing all of it, it’s the fact that he sees me juggling so many things at once and has never once offered help. The most he has EVER done during this time, is make our son a bottle using the baby breeze formula dispenser, bring it upstairs and set it on the nightstand for me to feed him before bed. Whenever I bring up how he doesn’t help with bedtime, that’s what he throws at me “well I make you a bottle sometimes so you don’t have to come downstairs” is what I get back.
Since having our son, I told him the only thing I wanted for Mother’s Day was some time to myself, I have not had that since our son was born a year ago. However, he got me a book, made me toast and then we spent the day with his family, and I cooked for them. I tried to nicely explain how this hurt my feelings and he literally blew up and made the entire thing about him.
He makes so many condescending comments about me “doing nothing all day” like the other day I told him I was tired at around 9pm, he said, “why are you tired? What did you do today for you to be tired?”
I physically cannot be intimate with him anymore, he’s constantly trying to touch me and be intimate and I immediately tense up or flinch at the feeling of it. Sex is the only thing he wants or cares about and I’ve tried time and time again to explain to him how I need for him to give me more empathy and he just gets so angry. I struggled terribly with PPD and I don’t think I’m through it I think I’m just surviving it.
Any tips or encouragement on how to get through this would be incredibly helpful.