Navigating Orthodoxy as a person with depression/chronic illness: the yoke is not light here.
Hi all,
I'm feeling so frustrated with this church with no real place to vent this to. I'm sure a lot of you might understand.
Do any of you find yourself feeling as though the yoke is not light here, and the Christ in this church is not gentle? I've found myself feeling that way for the last year or two as I've struggled with physical disability and severe bipolar disorder depressive episodes.
I'm in a depression now. I wish I had the energy to type out everything I'm feeling, but my brain is foggy. But the best way I can word this, is that I find myself jealous of your typical Protestant who can find tremendous peace in Christ by just giving it all to Him and putting no trust in their own works.
I'm so exhausted of work. The fasting, the standing, the performance, the trying. God knows I'm always trying and it's making me exhausted, physically exhausted, miserable. I want to rest.
I don't want to rely on my synergy to be remembered in God's kingdom. My synergy is trash. I'm so, so tired. Too tired to try anymore. I want God to take it all and carry me along the way, because I feel like an exhausted child that wants her dad to carry her to bed. That's all I want, is God's affection. But I know in this church's point of view, I'm probably not in a state to be saved today. I wish I were something like a chill Baptist or a Methodist or literally anything else than something that puts so much emphasis on what I need to do for my salvation.