u/SorbetRelative8121

I am looking for some clarity on my south and north node planet conjunctions.

I understand that the North node is the direction we are to go in this life .

But I am finding it so difficult to really leave my south node.

I have always had problems in the home dysfunctions in the family, especially with my sibling. I have a hard time letting go or moving away from it.

What is my north node purpose supposed to look like with it being in Capricorn first house? And what does that look like influenced with neptune, uranus, and black lillith conjuct?

Sometimes, I'm afraid that it means more pain since these are the more malefic planets.

And my sun in the south feels so contrary to the north node in my first house