25F Struggling with CA Final burnout and toxic comparisons with cousins.
My qualifications is CA Final with group 1 cleared
So my mom told me today that we might need to visit hometown ( my nana and family lives there) by coming week and tbh that place is hell for me. I am invisible and ignored there. My younger cousins just ignore me and continue their gossips and elders just see me as useless person. Both because I am 25 and in CA final with one group left. I have no friends even in Delhi NCR where I live but it feels less lonely but in hometown Idk how will stop myself to have multiple breakdowns in a day.
I have 3 cousins, one gave competitive exam for graduate degree college and she passed just because of some loop hole not by merit, 2nd cousin also gave same competitive exam for graduate degree college and did not pass and in private college and 3rd cousin, his whole life his family paid in school or college to get him pass and now he is doing family business.
It hurts more that they look down on me, these cousins and their parents.
It makes my mom and dad frustrated on me that I am just a defective kid of theirs. My brother is like exceptionally intelligent and I am just nothing.
Because of this my parents controls each and every aspect of my life, I tried to argue for not wanna visit hometown and my mom was like meine bol diya ab isske aage koi baat nahi hogi.
I am unable to study with this feeling, it feels so heavy in my chest and guilt of not studying is eating me