
Skilfully relating to a sense of remorse and guilt: Q&A response by Ajahn Sucitto
Q: “When working with vitakka, a sense of buried ‘guilt’ arises and sometimes the origin is identified and related to past lapse of judgment, wrong view, poor ethical choices that affected not only myself but others. But the problem is now when I interact or relate to others out of this feeling of guilt. It feels anxious, regretful and stifling. Could you elaborate on the Buddha’s teachings on guilt?”
A: “The heart (citta) is a receptive experience that is attuned to bringing us into harmony. Harmony occurs when it senses a wholesome rapport internally and externally. This involves ethical sensitivity: my actions and intentions are not oppressing or abusing what’s around me, and they are not oppressing or abusing my heart. However due to ignorance and craving, actions and intentions do go astray and the result is a bruised heart – and I am barely aware of it at first. Reviewing that and how it happened brings the experience of remorse (vippatisāra). This is regarded as healthy – we’re waking up, and learning; so remorse encourages ‘conscience and concern’ (hiri-ottappa) and increased mindfulness. The oppressive quality you call ‘guilt’ comes when there is identification with the unskilful action: one becomes the disease rather than the patient. This is an aspect of the hindrance of worry – udhacca-kukkucca; it’s not skilful remorse. The foundation for this stuck state is the mechanism called clinging. This bonds the heart to a mental state and supports shaping an identity out of it. ‘Shaping’ means one becomes that state. Hence the heart is trapped in a painful ego-tunnel.
“The long-term project is to not create a tunnel in the first place – to witness skilful states as skilful states, gifts not belongings; and unskilful states as diseases. States arise from causes and conditions, not some solid self. Do you see where states arise from? For many people the origin of their mental content is a blur. Hence one needs the insight wisdom of meditation to get clear about this.
“The more immediate response to remorse is to acknowledge any error, and refrain from actions that you see as contributing to that error. Then to cultivate the healing energies of good will.
“However, it can also be the case that one feels ‘neurotically’ guilty – one experiences guilt based on a personality profile. One’s personality is shaped by relational causes and conditions, and if one’s upbringing and social conditioning is one of feeling unworthy and needing to work hard to win approval, the citta is starved of the good will that should give it a healthy shape. So one feels ‘at fault’ and ‘needing to be better’ in any relationship. In such an ego-tunnel, it’s easy to feel that ‘the fault is mine’ in any scenario, because the sense of ‘I am at fault’ is a shaping condition in one’s personality structure.
“Here again, the steady and deep practice of good will is needed. Allowing yourself to be as you are is good-will. This doesn’t mean that everything you do is OK, but that you are OK and can learn from errors rather than be burdened by them.”
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