Sudden Heart Attack at the age of 26
I was getting ready for the office one morning when I suddenly experienced severe chest pain. I tried to bear it for a few hours, but the pain kept getting worse, so I went to the hospital.
The doctors immediately moved me to the emergency department and then to the cath lab for an angiography. They found a 100% blockage caused by a blood clot in one of my heart arteries and performed an angioplasty to remove it.
I was told that I was extremely lucky to have survived. I spent two days in the ICU before being moved to a regular room.
Since then
I keep asking myself: what's the point of living?
Why did I go through so much struggle if everything could have disappeared in a matter of minutes? What's the point of life if I'm told I can't push myself anymore?
I've always loved the grind. I loved the pressure. It made me feel alive. Sure, it was stressful, but that stress was part of the fun. Now everyone tells me to live a stress-free life, and honestly, that feels absurd to me. The person I was thrived on challenges.
I can't even think about dating right now. Not because I don't want to, but because I don't want someone to depend on me and then have to suffer if something like this happens again.
I love my parents, and they love me. They've taken better care of me than I could have ever imagined. But most of the time, I feel like a burden to them. I know they don't see me that way, but it's hard not to feel it.
I loved cricket. Now I can't play for months, maybe even longer. I used to tell people, "If you ever see me stop playing cricket, then something has gone seriously wrong in my life." And somehow, that actually happened.
I thought an experience like this would bring clarity. I thought I'd come out of it with some grand realization about life.
Instead, I'm left with self-doubt.
Existential questions.
The constant thought of "Why me?"
It feels like I'm going to miss out on so much of life, so much fun, so much of what made me who I am, far earlier than I ever imagined.
Maybe these thoughts will fade with time. Maybe they won't. But right now, this is honestly how I feel.