Not enough?
I have a 3 month old and we have been EBF since day 1 except on day 4 where I gave him formula as he was so hungry and distressed and my milk hadn’t come in (it came in the next morning). I have been pumping since 6 weeks but find it hard to find the time to as I babywear for all naps and cosleep. Ive just started to be able to roll away at bedtime which gives me 2-4 hours to have time to do things like eat dinner with my partner, have a shower and pump. When I pump I only get on average 1.5 ounces.
We have some trips coming up and I wanted to have the option to give him the occasional bottle of formula for these days (I also have a couple of appointments I will not be able to take him to and although I have a very small freezer stash the logistics of bringing this out of the house is tricky).
So in preparation, I asked dad to give him a bottle the other night before bed just to see he would take it (he has taken a bottle from dad previously of breastmilk but I hadn’t pumped for about 2 weeks so was also reintroducing bottle). Baby absolutely loved it. Drank 4oz then I put him on my boob and he went straight to sleep with no sucking. We have also been battling very long nights having to take him to the shower and rock and bounce sometimes up to an hour. I was elated that it worked so well but also made me immediately think about giving him a bottle every night.
Dad is away for two nights so I did last night on my own. We did all the normal bedtime things, he was sleepy, and I breastfed him hoping he would fall asleep but he got irate and I feel like there wasn’t enough milk in me for him. I resorted to 3oz in a bottle which filled him up (he left half an oz) and then was calm and after about 10 mins he latched and fell asleep.
Giving him that bottle made my heart break a little bit. I am worried about giving him a bottle each night then my supply dropping but looking back on these difficult nights I’m wondering if I already didn’t have enough milk for him and that’s why it was so hard and he was so upset. It also took me back to when I gave him that bottle on day four and felt like a terrible mum as I was trying to work out for the days before what was wrong and when he had that bottle he gulped it down and fell right to sleep. I felt awful for not giving it to him sooner and also like I wasn’t good enough as I couldn’t provide enough milk for him.
For context he is a fomo baby, fights every nap but bedtimes are usually the worst. But this bottle situation seems to have changed everything…
I don’t mind giving him a bottle every night if that’s what will settle him and help him sleep (he also slept much longer stretches especially with the 4oz). We have only done this 3 nights, last night included. I also pump once I roll away but also only get my 1.5oz from one boob. The other one he nurses off fine but doesn’t engorge, he gets frustrated with it quicker and will barely express any milk pumping. I have tried different flanges and have to use coconut oil to make it bearable (also my left which has the “good supply” vasospasm and pumping can irritate it which is partly why I stopped pumping for a while).
Any advice or suggestions? It’s so hard to know what to do and I don’t want to damage the breastfeeding journey…