u/StringBudget5188

England

Hi all,

I am approximately 6 weeks into the buying process of my dream home but have had some issues with AML checks due to part of my deposit being made up of a LISA (£34k), and another part being joint savings from my ex-partner over 10 years, which were split (£38k). I planned to use £65k and keep the rest for fees etc. I, of course, was completely upfront with my solicitors about the source of the funds, and they requested my bank statements, which I agreed to and sent (6-years worth). They then asked to see my ex’s bank statements corroborate mine and this is where all went wrong - I contacted my ex to source these and he has now blocked me on everything. The relationship was quite abusive and it has been so stressful, so I am going to try a new approach.

I just wanted to sense-check my plan and ask a couple of questions.

My new approach is:

- To get a new solicitor as my current ones are also not the most helpful (I have been allocated a newbie and they are quite slow and unsure about a lot of the process)

- To change my deposit from £65k to just the LISA funds of £35k. I have been saving approx. £4k per year into this LISA for 4-5 years, plus made some money on investments, plus the government bonus.

- My salary has been increasing since 2020, from £29,000 to £49,000 and my costs are low.

My questions is:

How much detail will they (a new solicitor) need to satisfy my AML checks? Will they likely need information from my ex again? I only ask this because although the money is majority savings from salary, (and I will double-check this), there may have been times when my ex sent me some money to deposit into the LISA (aka a one-off £1,000 from his salary so I made the end of financial year bonus.)

Thanks for reading!

Sincerely a very stressed first time buyer!

TW: childhood abuse

Hi there,

Female 29 been diagnosed 2 years, but have been experiencing symptoms for 10. I fear my fibro stems from childhood abuse and I am still in contact with the abuser (he’s my Dad and is very unwell at the moment).

Some days I feel so positive (feel lucky to have friends - some of which also struggle with chronic illness - no immediate money worries, roof over my head, can afford takeaway if needed etc.) Whereas others I feel so hopeless. These are usually high fatigue days where I mourn my old stamina and old life. I worry I won’t be able to carry children (both in the womb and in my hands due to muscle weakness). I beat myself up so much for feeling hopeless and not being productive enough (I also have ADHD). I find myself in such a rut as these feelings can make my day go from 100 to 0 and I usually end the day with spiralling about how unfair my life is.

What makes the self-criticism worse is I am actually a therapist and in therapy LOL!!! I have helped many people with their own difficulties but cannot help myself. When my therapist helps guide me to be compassionate I find it lasts about a day and then I’m back to defaulting to negative thoughts. It’s exhausting. I’m the most difficult client I have ever had and I feel so much shame for not being able to help myself.

I guess I am just after some normalisation and positive affirmations I can take with me.

Thanks for reading!