u/Sunrhae

Thank you everyone for your feedback 2 days ago on my previous post ( Why can't I retain my readers?)

I've taken all your feedback into account and after 6 versions (thanks god I write fast) here's what I settled for.

What do you think? Would you read the rest?

I'm writing a webnovel, so I'm releasing chapters every week. This is my chapter 1, it's been out for about 2 weeks now and many readers don't go further.

I can't change it but I still want some feedback so I can figure out where's the issue.

This is not a draft but the final one, already professionally edited version.

Thanks for the help