Question for Married People
For those whose husband/wife didn’t believe that your health symptoms were caused by mold, or didn’t take your concerns seriously, what did you say/do to change their mind? What actually worked?
My spouse is very loving and supportive of me as I’ve been undergoing health complication after health complication. They’ve also been very financially helpful. I’ve seen every doctor and run practically every test that shows I’m mostly healthy. Though I haven’t done specific mycotoxin blood/urine tests because they’re so expensive.
They’ve seen the mold in our house and on our belongings. They know how many plumbing issues we’ve had over the years. They’ve seen the EMRI test results. They see the difference in my energy and health levels from before we moved in together vs now. But because they and their children (from a previous relationship) are thankfully perfectly fine, they are convinced my problems are related to something else. Despite all the literature I’ve provided them that outlines otherwise.
I have spent the past 5 years undergoing countless scans and imagining, dozens of blood tests, dozens of different specialists, I take about 20 medications and supplements daily, have tried dozens more, and so on. Medically, I am completely unremarkable. Yet I’ve only gotten worse. I get an infection of some sort at least once a month, when I used to get them once every few years. I can’t drive or exercise or have a social life anymore. I’m a completely different person.
I’m afraid that we won’t be able to afford the remediation our home requires. We have so much negative equity in our home as it is. If we sell now, I know we won’t have enough to cover what’s left on the mortgage. My spouse is willing to make a 401(k) withdrawal for necessary repairs, but only up to a certain amount. We know we need a new HVAC system, but they want to replace everything because our electric bill is so high, not because there’s mold and moisture in the attic.
They don’t want to sell because they don’t want to disrupt their kids’ lives by getting rid of the only home they’ve ever known. Plus it’s the home they had with their mom until she died (from an accident, not anything mold related). I get there are memories here for them and there’s a big emotional attachment to this place. But I can’t spend the next 10 years waiting until they’re all on their own so we can sell the house and finally leave.
My spouse has completely refused my suggestion that we live separately, like we did when we were dating. So I need to find a way to convince them that mold is a serious issue that is affecting my physical and mental health, and needs to be taken care of for me to continue living here.
I lost my job because I wasn’t healthy enough to keep showing up. I’ve applied for and been denied disability twice. We don’t have a yard big enough for a tent but I’ve thought about living in my car for the next 10 years with our tiny dog. Though I’d still have to come inside to clean (they cook) and help take care of the kids. So even if I slept in my car it’s not a practical solution overall. And realistically I can’t afford to move in with a friend or get roommates even if I wanted to, unless I sold my car I suppose. And all of my family are a couple of states away so they can’t help.
I don’t want my spouse to spend their life savings and their kids’ inheritance fixing up a home that is more trouble than it’s worth. And I know wherever we move to next might come with the same risk of mold. And I don’t want them resenting me if I don’t get any better. But if there’s a chance I could get better, I don’t want to resent them 10 years from now because we didn’t take that chance when we should have.
I just feel trapped and hopeless. So any judgement-free advice or suggestions are appreciated. Thank you for listening to me rant.