Why Young Men Need to Understand That Safety Matters Most
The Foundation of Every Healthy Relationship Starts With Safety
By Rob Andress | Street Safe Self Defence Training Company
When we speak to students in high schools across Ontario, we often ask a simple question:
“What do girls want in a relationship?”
The answers are usually the same.
Love.
Trust.
Respect.
Honesty.
Someone who listens.
Someone who cares.
All of those matter.
But there’s something more important than all of them.
Safety.
Because if someone doesn’t feel safe with you, nothing else matters.
Not love.
Not attraction.
Not promises.
Not gifts.
Not apologies.
Safety is the foundation upon which every healthy relationship is built.
Safety Isn’t Just About Strangers
When young men hear the word “safety,” many think about protecting women from strangers.
But statistics tell us something different.
Most violence against women comes from people they know.
People they trusted.
People they dated.
People they loved.
People they once felt safe with.
That’s why one of the most important questions a young man can ask himself isn’t:
“Would I protect her?” It is: “Does she feel safe with me?”
What Safety Means to Young Women
Most young women think about things many young men never have to consider.
They wonder:
Will he accept “no”?
Will he become angry if I disagree with him?
Can I spend time with my friends without jealousy?
Will he pressure me?
Will he read my messages?
Will he become controlling?
Can I end the relationship without fear?
These aren’t signs that girls are weak.
They’re realities many young women live with every day.
Understanding that reality isn’t about guilt.
It’s about empathy.
Love Is Not Control
Movies and social media often teach young men the wrong lessons.
They tell us jealousy means love.
Possession means commitment.
Never letting go means loyalty.
But healthy relationships don’t work that way.
Love isn’t controlling someone’s phone.
Love isn’t demanding passwords.
Love isn’t becoming angry because she wants space.
Love isn’t making someone afraid to disappoint you.
Love is creating an environment where someone feels:
Safe.
Respected.
Heard.
Free to say no.
Free to disagree.
Free to leave.
Because love without freedom isn’t love.
It’s control.
Real Strength Is Emotional Control
Being strong isn’t about muscles.
It isn’t about intimidation.
It isn’t about getting your way.
Real strength is self-control.
Real strength is hearing “no” and respecting it.
Real strength is managing disappointment without anger.
Real strength is making people feel safer because you’re around, not less safe.
At Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, we teach students that emotional intelligence is one of the greatest strengths a person can develop.
Nobody Owes You Access
One of the hardest lessons for some people to learn is this:
Nobody owes you:
Their attention.
Their affection.
Their body.
Their time.
Their forgiveness.
Another chance.
And nobody owes you access simply because you want it.
Healthy relationships are built on consent, respect, and choice.
Not pressure.
Not guilt.
Not fear.
A Message to Young Men
If you want to be the kind of man people trust, remember this:
The greatest gift you can give a woman isn’t your money, your muscles, or your promises.
It’s safety.
Safety inside the relationship.
Safety when she’s upset.
Safety when she disagrees with you.
Safety when she needs space.
Safety when she says no.
And yes, safety if the relationship ends.
Because if someone is afraid of your reaction, they aren’t in a healthy relationship.
They’re in survival mode.
And no relationship should ever require survival.
What We Teach in High Schools
At Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, Rob Andress and Beth Andress work with students in more than 70 Ontario high schools, teaching:
Healthy relationships
Dating violence awareness
Consent and boundaries
Social Violence vs. A-Social Violence
Emotional regulation
Situational awareness
Online safety and sextortion awareness
Respect and communication
Violence prevention
Because our goal isn’t to teach young people how to fight.
It’s to teach them how to create safer lives and healthier relationships.
Stop the Before, So the After Never Happens.
About the Author
Rob Andress is a Violence Prevention Specialist and co-founder of Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, one of Canada’s leaders in reality-based violence prevention and healthy relationship education. Alongside Beth Andress, he has educated thousands of young people across Ontario on dating violence, consent, emotional intelligence, and the importance of creating safety within relationships.
Learn More
Street Safe Self Defence Training Company