u/The1200s

This is a long story only read if you like complicated matters.

I loved this plant, maybe too much. Obsessively.

So life sucks. There was nothing wrong with my plant. My Grandma is an amazing lady and I love her for everything she does for me. I will say however she is one of those older people who will get mad at you while you are at your nicest and be as mean as possible. Basically what had happened was I was in my grow room and she followed behind. She was looking at the plant with me because she’s an old stoner. I then bent down to do something with the plant and she touched my hair and pulled on a curl and it startled me and by instinct just said IN A NICE TONE TOO. Oh hey don’t touch my hair please. Then she got mad started stomping away and saying that I am a useless fuck. She doesn’t know why she’s so nice to me. That I need to find another place to live. All things I’ve heard her say before so I was upset but I didn’t say anything aside from “I didn’t mean to offend you, I don’t understand why that made you mad” then I just walked away for a bit. Then about 20 minutes later I heard her from the other room yelling to my grandpa after he woke up how she was going to “pull it up by the roots”. I then went and asked her why she was being so hateful and that is when I started to get emotional because it made no sense like S+ tier ragebait. Anyways I get frustrated because she pulls the “don’t tell me what to do in my house” line after asking “why would you want to cut the plant that is medicine for us both” so something in me snapped and I cut the plant at the base and pulled her roots out. I then went and said “there, the past three months of my life researching and past month caring for this plant are dead now like you wanted”
Anyways things calmed down and I wanted to try to tape the plant but I just gave up. I figured the pulling the roots up part was the extreme. The plant looked so sad by the time I thought of taping. I was frustrated and was not even thinking at that point. I had also already pulled the roots out because I forgot plants can heal from crazy things like that. I just was not thinking. I feel like a bad person.
I feel like for my first plant this Auto was going like phenomenally well. I just feel like I almost want to give up now because I do not know why I did what I did.
It’s not like if someone threatens your kid you kill them. I just honestly. Feel like an idiot. Not that I even blame my grandma because I know she wasn’t going to do that I just feel like her berating me before I let myself get upset as it was already and yeah. I suck as a human being and I should probably give up but like a fuckass I’m not going to. I know I’m never supposed to have anything nice in my life so I do not get why I even try man it is insane to me I did this. I didn’t take a picture because I do not understand the concept of documenting grief but man.

I also work at McDonalds in a rural town. And I’ve been sick the entire past week, have gone on and off between sleep and no sleep and my grandparents have been sick too. Like bad sick to where it’s just congestion and coughing with exhaustion. Like the type you get lightheaded from moving too much. It started out with each lung hurting at a time. Anyways, so I call work today to call off and say “hey I’m still sick, feeling mostly better and think I’ll be able to come in tomorrow and also need to stay home with my grandparents because they are old.” They then tell me “oh because you’ve called off consecutive days you need a Doctors note” For one they do not provide insurance yet they act like they provide me the means to get a note without having to pay money on top of losing money by not being able to go to work. For two, I did not know people got sick for only a day? That one is news to me. So I might be fired after calling off today. Who knows. Who fucking cares. I do not get why they are begging to be sick with this shit I have had for an entire week. I know it is contagious. My grandparents are sick too.

She sprouted out of the soil on 8/31. As the title says when should I expect to start LST with this Gorilla Cookies from FastBuds? I think in about a week? First grow, and have been learning a lot. I feel like I have been taking a college course these past two months with the amount of research I have done after work but practice on the field is definitely a different story. Also I know the light was up too high with the first set of leaves, and the bleaching on the second node of leaves is because I got water on them and did not properly dry. Overall I feel like I am doing a good job and have a good understanding. I just do not want to be one of the first time growers with 3.5 grams dry by the end of even my first grow. Realistically I would love to hit 3oz dry if possible but who knows.

So as title states I am new to the hobby and starting my first grow. I have the SpiderFarmer SF1000 2x2 Tent. At the beginning I had my light way too high and only at 30%, and the stem was stretching so on 9/6 ~8:30PM I moved soil to bury up to the cotyledons. As well as lowering the light and turning it to 60% brightness

I am using living soil with 15 Gallon buckets. Ingredients sourced from BuildASoil and local. For compost I used All American Mushroom Compost. Soil started cooking on 8/14. I added Earthworms on 9/6 thinking that Redworms from Walmart would be Red Wrigglers, but later read that they just be the normal dudes.

So from my understanding the Living Soil has all the nutrients being recycled in the system so I have not gotten any of those. I am using PH down and my Tap Water has a PPM Chlorine average of 1.7 based on my water departments CCR, NO CHLORAMINE so I have opted for treating my water using API Conditioner rather than letting it offgas because I do not like it doing that.

I am using FastBuds genetics and currently growing Gorilla Cookies as it was one of my bonus seeds and the genetics that made me interested in them to begin with.

Basically I am wondering if there is anything fundementally wrong with my understanding and what I can do to improve in the short term/this harvest? I know I messed up with the mulch as worms cannot eat it I read yesterday :( I plan on getting a dehumidifier before the flowering stage and was tinkering with the idea of Deep Red Spectrum supplemental lights but what do you all think? Am I killing it or literally killing my plant?

Edit: I also have seen people say to add ~5-10% of the pots volume in water 2-3 times a week for living soil. Is this true through all stages? I believe I may have been underwatering for a while but was scared of overwatering the plant causing root issues. So I added 1.5 Gallons on 9/6 and then for some reason another .5 gallons on 9/7 because I started worrying about the worms because I love them too. But planned on not adding water until 9/10 but wanted to know if i do the 5-10% volume or smaller amounts. That is the part that is confusing me the most at the moment.

So as the title says apparently as shown Vicious Strikes+Fine Line+Possessed array seems to be really good. Like things just ceased to exist and plasma was dropping everywhere. Takes tons of Magick but if you have it then it literally booms anything.