u/TheMisiak

The Bulls just hired a young, up and coming coach named Tiago Splitter.

The man has a mustache.

This is a key factor in the Bulls’ future success.

Every single Chicago sports team’s last championship came with a coach that had had a mustache.

White Sox: Ozzie Guillén - Scruff that matched the gritty 2005 White Sox team’s aura.

Chicago Cubs: Joe Maddon - Reassuring mustache & beard combo that let Cubs fans know that everything will be OK (I hate the Cubs but respect to the 2016 Chip, what a roster).

Chicago Sky: James Wade - Barely made the list due to some glorified peach fuzz but his squad dominated. Shoutout Candace Parker.

Chicago Blackhawks: Joel Quenneville - Fierce and fluffy. Nothing else to say.

Chicago Bulls: Phil Jackson - Harnessed the power of the 1990s mustaches and channeled it to 6 Championships.

Chicago Bears: Mike Ditka - The Holy Grail of mustaches. The one that started it all.

Notable Exception that I will ignore ever happened:

Chicago Fire: I think it was Bob Bradley. I honestly have no idea how the MLS works and probably never will. Anyway, he is potentially the most bald, mustacheless man of all time.

So now the elephant in the Loop: Will Venable, Craig Counsell, Jeff Blashill, and worst of all Ben Johnson have strayed from the mustache. We are on the precipice of a mustacheless crisis. We need to get this fixed but it will be an uphill battle. Tweet the teams, rally at the arenas/stadiums/practice facilities, and call your alder. This crisis is fixable.

Anyway, with Tiago Splitter at the helm, THE BULLS ARE SO BACK.