Will I Get Back To Baseline? Feels Different This Time - Bad Flare Up After Years of Recovery
Hey all,
I’ve been living with HPPD since I was 17, I’m 31 now. I smoked a laced bong bowl with K2 and it essentially felt like I was full blown tripping on K2 and that it never went away. After 6 months or so, I got to functional recovery.
I’m an addict - after years of drinking, abusing vyvanse (been off the stimulants for about 5 years) and taking other drugs/drinking immense amounts of coffee daily I still pretty much stayed at functional recovery where the symptoms were minor and almost unnoticeable the entire time. I’ve had a few intense flare ups from SSRIS/Zoloft that went away within a month or so.
I haven’t been able to really kick the alcohol addiction, and about 3 months ago, after a bad bender, I couldn’t sleep so was taking a cocktail of Cyclobenzaprine for my MS (taken this before with no issues), trazodone (been taking this for years with no issues), and mirtazipine. My HPPD has came back in full force and it feels different this time. I feel truly stuck like this won’t change, seeing as it’s been 3 months. And since the visuals are scary, I’ve been drinking a lot to cope. Even after two weeks sober it feels like nothing has improved.
Will I eventually return to my old baseline if I stay sober? It seems like the alcohol benders have made this recent flare significantly worse.