How to trust him again?
Back in December (it’s May now) I found out that my husband had been cheating on me on dating apps. Specifically an app called fling where he was paying to talk to other women. He was using these apps for a little over a year & I truly had no no idea. He said it was because we were arguing a lot & he didn’t think I loved him (which yes, I know that’s bullshit because you don’t cheat on somebody because they don’t love you. You cheat on them because you don’t love them.) but we were arguing quite a bit. But even on the days that were amazing he was still on these apps. He was hiding in the bathroom for hours a day to do it. we have been married for 14 years with two kids & I want to stay with him. he says he never met up with anybody even though I caught him on escort websites he swears he didn’t.
Things have been hard to say the least. Everyone I bring it up it turns into an argument.
I told him what I needed from him was for him to write me a letter telling me how he feels now (which he did, but I practically had to beg for it.) & a grand gesture to prove he’s willing to put the effort in towards us (hasn’t happened yet) I originally told myself that he had two months to do so, I don’t think it should take longer than that if you really care. when it didn’t happen, I told myself 4, when that didn’t happen, I extended it to six, which is the absolute max time he has. If I don’t have a grand gesture by next month I am ending this.
I am looking for any advice from anyone who can help me in terms of making my marriage work. He says he’s tired of talking about it & I need to get over it & trust him again, which I am not prepared to do yet but I desperately want to because I really love this man & I just want to be with him.
I know a bunch of advice I’m going to get
Is leave, not what I want. I’m hoping he’ll do what I need from him to stay. I’m looking for feedback that is productive. I also know some people are going to comment on it being unfair for me to be giving a deadline but before
saying anything, please keep in mind that it is six months after cheating on me for over a year & all I am asking is a letter & some kind of gesture. Even if it’s just taking me out for a date that he plans himself to show me he’s willing to put in effort or something like that. I am not looking for anything crazy or extravagant. I am just looking for him to do something special for me and go out of his way to make me feel loved.