Feeling lost and depressed!
Hi Fellow Postdocs,
I am currently five months into my first postdoc in the same lab where I completed my PhD (USA-R1-Top 5) because I could not find an opportunity elsewhere at the time. Lately, I have been feeling somewhat caged, especially while watching everyone around me move on to the next stage of their careers. I am genuinely happy for them, but it also makes me question: what am I doing here?
Earlier in 2026, I had some success on the academic job market with four tenure-track interviews across PUI/R3/R2/R1 institutions. I even received one tenure-track offer from an R2 university, but unfortunately the offer was later rescinded during negotiations. It was in my desired location, and I was genuinely excited about the possibility of building my own research lab and writing grants. Honestly, I was also a little scared. What if I failed? I guess I will never know.
Now I find myself facing three very different paths, and the decision feels overwhelming.
Option 1: Last year I applied for the MSCA-PF and received a 93% score, while the cutoff was 97%, so I narrowly missed funding. However, my advisor in Belgium offered me one year of funding along with the opportunity to reapply for MSCA and other funding mechanisms that could potentially keep me in Europe long term. I have always wanted to move to Europe because I deeply value the quality of life, public services, and accessibility that I seriously miss in the United States. I travel a lot and enjoy wildlife photography, but living in the Midwest has made many of those experiences difficult because everything feels far away and expensive. My biggest concern is the uncertainty of having funding for only one year. If I fail to secure the MSCA fellowship afterward, I could find myself in a difficult position.
Option 2: I currently have an industry offer in the Midwest, although not in my desired location. The compensation is very good, and the work itself is interesting and closely related to my specialization. However, it is more engineering-focused than research-oriented. I am also somewhat afraid of returning to industry because I worked in industry before starting my PhD and did not enjoy the environment much. It was not the work itself that bothered me, but rather the culture and the people around me. Everything felt emotionally flat and mechanical.
Option 3: Recently, I have also been considering another path: joining the industry for a few years and then transitioning to a National Lab once my visa situation in the United States becomes more stable. I imagine that a National Lab environment would surround me with people who share a stronger sense of intellectual curiosity, scientific passion, and technical depth, while still offering more stability and work-life balance than academia.
At this point, I feel genuinely lost and uncertain about which path to take. More than anything, I want a career that allows for work-life balance because my passions outside of work — traveling, photography, and exploration — are extremely important to me. They are what keep me motivated and grounded in my professional life. I do not want to sacrifice those parts of myself, but I am scared of making the wrong decision.