u/Top-Mongoose-6223

Well, I made it to 3 days. Better than nothing. I want to make it a lot further. I have before I’m just frustrated. One of the days I ran for 5 minutes, did about a 250 open water swim, and a 15 minute bike ride all in the same day and I felt proud. I drank beer yesterday, it wasn’t magical but I definitely wanted to. I had one today too because I was feeling frustrated, it didn’t help it just made me more annoyed. Of course I know the facts and I know how alcohol works. I guess I’m just writing to say it “out loud.” At least I did another 5 min run and got more distance than last time. I really like the Nike run app, it’s been encouraging me to at least run a little. Getting ready for another day 1 soon, not sure when

Eh. I’ve really struggled with alcohol for 10+ years. After pregnancy and now having a 2 year old I’m a lot better than where I was.. but not sober. I don’t drink liquor as much, and I don’t go out anymore (those things were my life) I love my baby and my fiancé. We both will go through phases of taking a week or two off drinking but it’s been about 4 months (after my grandpa died)of drinking beer almost everyday like 4-10. I’m ashamed. I’m just overweight and unhappy and it makes me irritated too. I have less patience even after one beer. I live with my grandma and she’s kind of a drama queen and on top of that she’s getting Alzheimer’s. There’s a lot of triggers but I just can’t seem to get ahold of myself! My fiancé and I (after alcohol) got into a giant argument and he said some really mean things. I just feel like a loser. I want today to be the first day of many days, I want to lose weight like everyone, I want to feel good and alive again. Yesterday I ran a mile and biked a mile. Ive got my eye on triathlons in the future. Swimming is cake for me I was a competitive swimmer for my entire childhood, running and biking is not as easy in my current state but at least I got one in. I guess I’m wondering, how do I find peace without drinking? What do I do with the edge I hate so much that I’m trying to escape. Will I just be miserable until I’m not?

Thanks for listening

For context, i haven’t always been this big. Also I hold my weight well and am still pretty athletic for being so overweight, it’s obviously not how I want to be but I had a baby and had some rough times.

I was in competitive swimming my entire childhood 1-11th grade. I was a beach lifeguard for almost 6 years (swam in open water/surf everyday/week) up until 3 years ago. Now I teach swim lessons and do a swim practice 1-2 a month. My 500 time is 9 min. Slower than id like by a couple min but I’m not mad. I recently got a road bike and grew up biking around town and have been biking for fun around the neighborhood but no actual training. I suck at running. I can currently run a mile and some change if I go super slow… I know it all starts with training but should I lose all the weight first before I enter? Are they’re any bigger people in triathlons? I know I can do great in the water but running wise I’m toast. Is it worth it to even enter before I’m in good physical shape? Thai is all new to me so I’m not sure where to start. Maybe there isn’t even a question in here, I think I’m just scared of being the worst lol.