self-awareness vs flow
I find myself getting into flow state easier than being self-aware. For example, when I am studying, working or playing sports, I don't have any sense of time, environment or self. It often works in my favor because I am "one" with the activity I am doing. I am able to focus better when I am studying and score better when playing. Similarly, it is said that top athletes achieve flow state during their peak performance. I wouldn't call flow as self-awareness because it is academically defined as quite the opposite— "complete loss of self-awareness".
On the other hand, self-awareness helps me break old behaviors like scrolling. I would argue that when you are scrolling, you are "in the zone" similar to flow state where it is easy to loose awareness. The same thing happens with other addictions where you become "one" with the source of addiction and loose your sense of self.
My question is how can I be self-aware all the time if most tasks require me to give my complete attention which comes with the flow state. I have tried studying while being aware of my thoughts but it simply doesn't work. Self-awareness becomes especially difficult when the task at hand requires thinking because self-awareness ceases thoughts.
If you are "choosing" when to be self-aware, it goes against Krishnamurthi's choiceless awareness. It all seems so confusing to me. Can someone please explain it to me? Thanks!