u/Tricky_Operation_525

Hello again, everyone. Thanks for the great feedback and critiques you gave for part 1 of my story. They were all extremely helpful. This next part is quite different from the first, being much more dialogue heavy. Still, I tried to keep in mind the feedback you guys gave me and hopefully it shows a noticeable improvement. Here is the story

If you didn’t read part 1, the short version is this: a young mother from another world struggles through everyday life while haunted by her tragic past, until the dreaded AFR comes knocking at her door.

And here is my critique [4541]

Some possible critiques I'd like to know about:
How does the dialogue sound to you? Is it verbose? Does it sound natural? Does it drag anywhere?
What do you think of the characters? Do they have distinct personalities?
How was the narration?
How's the hook for the story? Is the story or world interesting?

Crit: 2670

This is my first attempt at writing something more than just lore or snippets. I'm curious to know what you all think of my prose, dialogue, pacing, etc.

But I'd especially like your thoughts on my use of Old English or Germanic words in the story. You'll see what I mean when you read it. Really I'd like to know what you think of the setting in general, if I was clear or too vague, that sort of thing.

It may be helpful to give a short bit of background: The purpose of this story is that it is a vignette into a world I have created and would like to make as the setting for a novel one day. In this world, the people speak a form of English that only uses the original, Anglo-Saxon lexicon and has (mostly) discarded any Latin or French influenced words, in favor of already existing words that could be found in Old English. I was heavily inspired by subreddits such as r/anglish.

Story can be found here