Seeking advice on difficult behavior in neurodivergent scout
I'm a relatively new Scoutmaster of a small girls troop. The previous Scoutmaster stepped away unexpectedly, and I've been rebuilding the program while learning the role myself.
Shortly before I took over, we had a crossover Scout who is AUHD. I'm looking for advice on how to balance supporting her needs while also meeting my responsibilities to the rest of the troop.
Some of the behaviors we've been dealing with include:
* Frequent verbal disruptions during meetings and activities
* Inappropriate comments or shouting
* Difficulty respecting personal space and boundaries
* Running away and hiding during meetings
* Refusal to follow youth leadership at times
* Dishonesty when discussing incidents
Her parents attended all outings. The situation was challenging but manageable.
But we just wrapped up summer camp and we experienced three MAJOR meltdowns that required significant adult attention. Two appeared to be triggered by emotional or highly stimulating events, and one involved her telling the SPL that she hated her and would not listen to her because the SPL was "not her mom", and she really really hates her.
To her credit, she did many things well during the week and showed more independence than I expected. The challenge was that the major incidents consumed a tremendous amount of adult time and energy.
A few things especially concern me:
* If she misses her mid day medication from mom or dad, she is unmanageable.
* Her mother expressed concern that her daughter might physically lash out at another Scout during periods of emotional dysregulation.
* During one conversation, the Scout told me she does not want to be in Scouting and feels that everyone wants her to be someone she is not.
* During some escalations, I observed levels of anger and emotional intensity that made me concerned about the safety of herself or others if things continued to escalate.
I want to be clear that I am not looking for ways to remove this Scout simply because she is neurodivergent. I have several neurodivergent Scouts, and our troop generally works well with them.
My concern is that one Scout's needs are beginning to consume a disproportionate amount of leadership attention. I currently have limited ASM support due to deployments and work obligations, and I often feel like I am spending so much time managing crises that I am unable to serve the rest of the troop effectively.
For those who have dealt with similar situations:
* What expectations should I be setting with the parents?
* What accommodations have been successful?
* Where do you draw the line between supporting a Scout and maintaining a safe, functional program for everyone else?
* How do you handle situations where a Scout repeatedly refuses to follow youth leadership?
* At what point do you determine that a troop may not be the right fit for a particular youth?
I'm looking for practical advice from leaders who have navigated this successfully.
*Edit to say, the parents were present (switched half way through) at camp but did not step in until the scout was past the point of no return.
The parents are present. At every meeting and outing. But they do not jump in. Almost ever.