Freedom is only possible if you permanently delete social media
I’m a 31 yo woman. Over the past decade, I’ve attempted to delete my social media accounts many times. As a local public figure in my country, I felt watched constantly. Ex-partners would watch me, estranged family members would try to see what I was up to and gossip, and girls I went to school with would watch my stories without even following me. I found myself constantly paranoid.
Not to mention, I would even use social media to lurk when I was bored, I hated that about myself. I despise that behaviour in others but I would find myself just going through profiles of people who I disliked who have hurt me in the past. Friends, abusive family members. Almost like just checking if they got their karma yet. And even when they do, It doesn’t make me feel better. It felt so slimy that I’m watching. I make an effort to keep others out of my mind if I dont like them. I don’t gossip ever, but ironically when I was having a bad day I’d just go look at the lives of people did me wrong a decade ago, almost like trying to rage bait myself (it almost felt like self harm lol!)
Even setting my accounts to private wasn’t enough, I still felt like I was being watched (if I was doing it, why wouldn’t others?) I ended up deleting an account I’d had since 2011, which had over 300k followers in 2020, and it felt so freeing. Of course I then got another Instagram and the cycle started again 2 years later. I got it back again because dating without a social foot print was so difficult (regardless of how known I was). Everyone wants to see pictures, or that you’re a real person. It felt like I basically didn’t exist to people if I didn’t have a profile. I noticed if someone cares about you having social media, they also are someone you should stay clear from. The chances of them being very chronically online is a high chance. Most likely they probably wouldn’t be good partners. Most people are looking for another person to lurk on without talking to. A connection to them is very conditional to them only reaching out once in a blue moon when you post a nice photo of yourself.
Honestly, dating anyone via the apps is soul crushing. People treat each other so unintentionally, like they’re a dime a dozen. In my experience as a woman, the men I would speak to rarely put any effort into having conversations. They only wanted access to your social media, would ghost you, but would still lurk.
I felt icky about people feeling entitled to watch everything you do while not wanting any real connection.
So, since 2021, I was deactivating and reactivating my accounts almost every other month. It became almost like a compulsion. I’d even make burner accounts just to scroll through Reels and watch things just so I didn’t have to use my real account. Even though I hated what I was watching, I couldn’t look away! I’d waste hours.
But this year, I finally permanently deleted all my accounts. I feel so free. I wish I had taken this seriously sooner because I feel like I have my life back. I’m not capable of using it. I remind myself all the time it’s not normal to constantly be watched or perceived. It’s not right to be able to know the kids names of your high school bully just by one search. It’s not normal to be able to know if your friends husband has a p*rn addition or subs to OF just by looking through his following. The less we know the better. These apps are exploiting human curiosity and it can’t be healthy to know this much about people.
My advice is take it day by day.
Every day you refrain from reactivating before the deletion date celebrate. It’s an accomplishment every day you make it without using it. Be proud of yourself because you are very strong. It’s highly addictive. So everyday that goes by you are getting a piece of your life back.