Idk if I should become a music edu major
So I have always wanted to be a teacher, but sometime my sophomore year I started doubting it because they don't get payed much and I just wasn't getting a lot of support for it by the people around me. I kept trying to shadow people and find a new job that I would like to try, but I wasn't really getting anywhere. I like to do art, hiking, travel, and yk stuff is more like hobbies. But even my hobbies, I'm not like super good at drawing or painting. I'm kinda mediocre at everything, even in school, I take AP and DE classes, but I always barely pass with a 90 or a 91. And that's kinda how I am with everything. Good enough, but not SUPER good at anything. About a month into my junior year, my orchestra teacher offered that I could go to a different school that they also teach at, and I help with sectionals and tuning, etc. I LOVED IT so so much! It was my favorite part of my day and I really enjoyed it. By the end of the semester, the kids asked why I didn't just become an orchestra teacher and teach them instead. After that, I wanted to become a teacher again, but instead of an elementary teacher, I wanted to be an orchestra teacher! But then I did a BIG aduition that i really really tried to get, and I didn't make it. I knew the music and felt proud of it before i aduitioned, but when I got in there, i was shaking and and my tempo/intonation was absolutely BUNS! I cried after and knew i was gonna get in. I have never had any private lessons or any sort of specialist help me. Actually, before high school, I was taught by a band teacher who didn't really know much about strings. It kinda made me realize that if I wanted to be a music teacher, I had to get much better at my instrument. I tried to teach myself more about my instrument over the summer useing youtube, ticktock, and essential elements book 3 but I feel like I know what to do but I can't do it....idk how to describe it. Yesterday, my friend went up to me and gave me music for this orchestra program and told me to try out, and after little thought, I decided to sign up. The aduition is in 7 days, I've been practicing, but I'm freaking out. Naturally, bc it's my first day with the pieces of music, it doesnt sound very good, and I've already cried about its so whatever. Also I don't meet the qualifications, you need a personal teacher and I can't afford to have one. So ik i have no chance to get in, I'm using this more for audition practice, but I feel like these past few weeks, if not months, I have been having an identity crisis. I. A senior and I have to choose colleges soon, and I'll have to aduition for the music ensemble to join the music edu major classes. I'm worried I won't make it just bc I'm not good enough at my instrument. I dont want to say its been my dream to become a orchestra teacher bc it hasn't...but i lived be an assistant teacher and thats the only direction that ive had.I've been trying to look at the other majors i looked at sophomore year and idk none have seem like I wouldn't hate my life everyday. Idk what to do bc the only job that I think I would love is the job that I don't think I'm good enough to pursue. If anyone has suggestions for how to get better, your experience before become ANY music teacher, or any other jobs that would be interesting, it doesn't have to be a music or art job, but I need to figure this out quickly! I would appreciate ANY comments that could help!