u/Upstairs_Schedule601

Has anyone every come across this? When I start to read anything concerning the teachings (introductory secondary literature and Iśvara Pratyabhijñā Kārikā as well as Tantrasâra), it makes me nervous. Not in a bad way but it is a feeling similar to the nervousness before performing in front of people. The only thought I have during this feeling is something like "this is too deep, too vast", etc. It does not make we want to stop but it is strange in a way. I also at the same time, of course, feel joyous or excited at times, like a feeling of wonder. My previous Christian training tells me to ignore any feelings in the beginning, because they essentially might be caused by anything - good and bad. However, I am still curious if others have experienced something like that and what might be the cause (such as, perhaps, I am not supposed to be reading something before initiation).

I am still not initiated, so I am sure I'll get to it when I get to it but just out of interest: are there any special practices that tackle the fear of death specifically? Or the fear goes away with other practices that don't deal with the fear specifically. Of course intellectually one can quickly see how death is a non-issue from an ontological point of view but fear is often an irrational thing. Plus there is an attachment to the little I, which does cease with death, i.e. life experiences, relationships, attachments, etc. Letting go is difficult.

We sacrifice to Tryambaka the fragrant, increaser of prosperity.
Like a cucumber from its stem, might I be freed from death, not from deathlessness.

I'll ask three questions from general to specific.

1. Is there a point in asking questions concerning why something is the way it is, i.e. why does Shiva manifests reality in this specific way and not another; what is the underlying reason/wisdom? Or would it be along the lines of: Shiva dances the way He wants to dance.

2. Why the cyclic law, as some call it? Life then death, day and night, change of seasons, continious circulation and recycling of things (carbon cycle, water cycle, etc.)?

3. What is/could be the reason behind life being time-constrained? Is it simply pedagogical and motivational (like it happened, say, with Guatama)?

Second and third can be simplified into: why cyclical, not linear?

The answers can both include references to the discussion of these (if such exists) in Trika texts or your own thoughts but backed up by something other than just personal impressions.

Thanks!

For those who read or browsed through it: thoughts? This work is pretty amazing to me but I am a complete novice so wanted to get a perspective of someone more seasoned and advanced in knowledge.