Please help! Permanent brain damage which is continuing for 10 years?
Guys so I badly need you all to help me get out of this shit show that the stupid ass teenage me put me into by choosing to use nutmeg everyday for more than 4 years until I started weed by the time I was 18 or so, and now I'm 25 I am still going through the consequences of the stupid choices I made
Now my memory is so bad that I can't remember what happened yesterday despite my efforts to recall but to no avail. At times I lose the ability to understand and form sentences. My HPPD and dissociation are still there but not as strong as they used to be (currently mainly floaters and afterimages). I can't even watch a movie or read a book because I can't follow the storyline at all. I lose track and it's gone. Things I'm so familiar with seem to be brand new to my eyes. Can't hold conversations with people because it requires me to recollect stuff from my memory and I just can't get myself to do that. I can't remember anything from my childhood, teens and the memories of any big and significant positive & negative moments. I can't learn anything new and have a hard time to recall what I already learnt. I can't visualise things and assess or rationally think. My emotional faculty is very fragile and simplest things would put me off.
I was the exact opposite of all the above till I was 12 yrs old. I remember having a crystal clear photographic memory, down to the minutest details and a visualising capacity soo good that I can literally taste, smell, feel and see things as if I can literally emulate the whole scene in my head or the mental eye. I was praised so much for my memory and grasping skills. I was a topper in all subjects till these shits started. It was like a switch turned off in my head and the very next set of exams I failed miserably and my teachers and parents started to feed me with the "just put more efforts and concentrate like you were doing" bullshit. Now it's all gone and I feel really scared that I lost these gifted mental abilities forever.
Somehow I crossed school and college thinking this damage would go away by itself by not doing nutmeg again but I still have these, the HPPD, DPDR, dementia-like brain fog, constant anxiety attacks with uncontrollably obsessive ruminating thought loops, severe depression and hopelessness over life altogether.
I have been taking nootropics ever since I stopped taking nutmeg back in like 2021 or 2022, and over these years I've spent and taken so many nootropics that I'm losing hope on ever recovering since it is now close to 10 years (started nutmeg back in 2016).
Can someone please help me reverse whatever damage I've done to myself? This is so depressing that I can't live life like this anymore. It feels like I just traded my lifetime of a gifted potential to some stupid curiosity of getting high as a teen and nobody ever told me that I'd keep feeling like shit for so long.