How do I best support my partner in the mountains?
I recently had a bad situation climbing a large mountain overnight in the PNW. A team member who is usually trustworthy in making good calls about equipment and effort carried too much on the approach, hurt their back, then toughed it out and ended up in a bad state on the way back from the summit.
I feel like I failed. We were unofficial co-leaders of a trip with less-experienced members, so our communication was crucial to success, and it broke down.
We weighed packs at the trailhead, theirs came up heaviest and I asked (once) if there was anything I could take from their pack - they said no. This person was shorter than the rest of the group by several inches. I don't want to get too specific but imagine I'm a medium size human and my friend is a small. We're adults. We're also friends with some emotional attachment that may have complicated things but I thought we were open enough as climbing partners to avoid this.
Where I'm going with this is I've now toed the line of trying not to make a smaller partner feel bad about their body and packing decision and gotten absolutely burned by it. I wish I'd been more stern, but at the time I was doing my best to be patient, and by the time they were exhausted it would have done no good to be any less patient.
I don't want to be the friend that leaves people feeling shitty, but I also don't want to tell other people every move to make. Has anyone else been here?
edit: just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who's replied. you've pointed me in the right direction. :)