u/Vl_hurg

This is a small thank you note to this community that I've been thinking about writing for some time.

Yesterday, I went to buy a spectrophotometer I'd found on Craigslist from a scientist. He asked what I wanted it for and although I didn't feel comfortable casually mentioning I was going to use it for at-home semen analysis, I did mention that I was suffering from PSSD and the device was related to a double-blind study I was working on. He was sympathetic and posited that SSRIs may suppress serotonin output in the long term, upsetting the balance of your neurochemistry. It's always refreshing to see someone who doesn't dismiss your experience with PSSD out of hand because it doesn't match their own experience or what's in the literature. He worked for over an hour to set up the system for me and eventually said: "You know what you really need is to find something you like to do and pursue that."

I took it well. I've heard it before too many times from family, friends, dates, etc. Sometimes people are too forceful about their advice and it ends up blowing up. One woman I was hitting it off with kept insisting that I should try Viagra. Another woman I dated kept interrupting me and telling me to try other antidepressants, group therapy, or finding new hobbies. It's exhausting taking advice from people who fundamentally don't understand what it's like to lose all motivation. Do they think I want this? I have one shot at life and do they honestly think I want to go through it in a joyless haze?

I've come to expect unsolicited advice from people I bring up PSSD to. Most of that advice boils down to "just try harder", as the title of this post suggests. But I'd like to extend my appreciation to this subreddit that as we've all actually lived through this hell, I don't think I've ever seen someone here espouse that anyone suffering from PSSD just needs to dig deep and find new motivation or inspiration or joy. I mean, I'm sure someone here has said it, but it's exceptionally rare.

It's tricky because I want to better myself just like everyone else here. I've dispensed advice, some of which hasn't gone great. I've seen that there are widespread disagreements on what PSSD is or how to treat it. Underneath all these disagreements, however, I sense that there's a shared experience that PSSD strikes your very core in a way that many of us never thought was possible.

Likewise, I try to take it well when others lean in with their advice regarding PSSD. I want to talk to people about the condition because we need to raise awareness. I'm also in therapy and it's frustrating because I want to look out for my mental health despite it being entagled with PSSD, but almost the entire premise of therapy is that there are some magic words that a therapist can say that will set you on the path to fixing things. It was an awkward introduction to my new therapist to tell her, in short, "I have PSSD. I'm going to talk about it a lot. You can't help with it. You can try and I'll generally take it well, but I've heard it all before and it can be tiresome." I've known people who vented to me about things that I can't empathize with-- multiple sclerosis, PCOS, bipolar disorder, etc.-- and I suppose I can't say for certain that I never once offered advice or expressed skepticism, but because PSSD is invisible, there seems to be an assumption among non-sufferers that it's purely psychological and can be overcome through sheer willpower, willpower that people with PSSD know that we sorely lack.

So again, thank you for being a safe haven from the "just try harder" mentality. I don't think anyone should give up, but I don't think any outsider really knows what effort looks like under this condition.