u/Water_Watercress88

I had trauma in my early childhood and undiagnosed adhd until my late 20s.

As a result to navigate the world I had to become very self aware and I guess hyperware of my body and mind to be able to function within society and survive certain situations.

I was very quiet and would have to think very carefully before speaking also.

This was due to growing up in a family, school, society where people would often (constantly lol) highlight how I was doing things wrong, weired etc. I just wanted to exist in peace so had to adapt.

I feel that made me more subseptable to FND because I already had a brain that was condition to look for danger and pre-empt danger I guess.

Instead of just being a kid, my brain (edit) had to develop heightened ibtrospection.

Has anyone else had similar? Sorry FND (actually understanding the condition vs what I was told) is new to me and trying to make sense of something that I can't.

Edit: I think another thing I was trying to say and just found the words for is

I developed FND last year and it was bad. FND was not explained to me properly, I was told it was just tics and not to watch tic videos and not to Google about it, so that's what I did.

I had no idea of everything else that came with it. In heinsight I believe alot of my FND symptoms were put down to mental health and just anxiety or Ptsd - it was also what I kept getting told and put on medication after medication that gave me awful side effects (I now think the side effects were actually FND). I was in agony for months and months and I couldn't get taken seriously.

Then something traumatic beyond belief happened within the hospital system and I am still recovering from it - I don't know if I ever will.

I short. I have no faith in the medical system, to be believed, taken seriously or that I won't be put through hell again.

I have just started living alone. And after months of having no seizures, I had one and it was different to how it used to be.

I started to feel really off, and ended up on the floor. My eyes were open (always used to be closed) I was paralysed like I could not move my body.. my head (this is hard to describe) shook but it wasn't in the side to side direction it used to be. The after I felt OK for a bit but then became really slowed. Like trying to unpack things and it was like confusing figuring out where something belonged. That's all I really remember from it.

It was scary. I am so alone and this fucking desease is torment.

I have never had an episode alone, looking back they were I think there was a correlation between people become overwhelming talking about my trauma and the stress of trying to get them to stop. So being alone and it happening out of the blue was petrifying.

I also get like pins and needles randomly throughout my body. This isn't new. But it feels like hell and won't go away even when I distract myself.

Sorry about the long novel but I have no one to talk to about it, my trust is shook because there is no one in my life that understands.

I used to often wake up during the night with anxiety or panic >! Very body based and I don't recall having any other symptoms just feeling of dread !<

Now I wake up at similar times but I'm always kind of hazy and get out if bed to do something like have water, snack, toilet etc and then >! completely lose balance/Co-ordination, my brain feels weird but it's not dizziness it's really hard to explain !<. Sometimes when I get out of bed but most of the time it's after when I walk back to bed.

I never have the issue at any other time of the day. It is nothing like any of the movement symtoms I have had. I drink plenty of water.

It feels like something different but I'm so traumatised by the medical system I really don't want to see about it and its been going for a while.

I really don't want to financially or mentally be put on the merry go round of medical professionals and tests just to be told its FND.