I think I ruined my life for good.
Hello, this post has no particular goal. I was recently diagnosed with keratoconus in both eyes at 25 yo and one of the eyes is so advanced it's visible at naked eye if you pay attention, vision 1/30. The other isn't great either, 5/10, I had cross-linking to stop it but...yeah.
I just feel dumb for not having my eyes checked more often and earlier. I don't even know if I could avoid it, because rubbing my eyes sometimes had an effect, or not. But it doesn't matter anymore, I saw two different doctors and things will be messed up for the rest of my life.
I'm just coming to a point where I'm tired of everything. First it was family issues since I was a child, and I said okay, we can overcome that, I can build my life now. Then social anxiety was harder to deal with than expected. I had to accept looking dumb, being ignored by the whole world, until I convinced myself I could do it. Already a few interactions were made embarrassing either by the fact I cannot recognize people immediately due to bad vision, or due to people discovering my vision is bad by chance, in daily actions.
I don't think there's any way to turn my brain into thinking there's any hope one girl on this planet would have any interest in a socially anxious, kinda blind guy.
I also would feel guilty having kids thinking about it, as I would cause him/her the same issues. In short, my life stopped to make sense before I could even realize it. All I can do is isolating myself as usual and focus on studying and working to avoid thinking about what I cannot have and what I cannot fix.
I'm sorry, that's how I feel. I don't think other people in my condition are worthless nor I meant to ruin the mood to anyone.