Regret training as a therapist
Doing this from a throwaway as I don’t really want it attached to my usual Reddit account, but I really need to touch base about this with others who get it.
I recently qualified after a long slog of a diploma (I’m a lone parent and worked throughout so it took a longer than planned). I had wanted to do it for years by the time I got there. I have lived and breathed this training for so long, and used to feel so passionately that this was the right thing for me, but over the last 6 months I’ve slowly started to feel doubt creeping in
I’ve felt a bit ambivalent for a while but I put it down to burnout, to issues with the training and profession itself, and I really thought it would improve over time but it hasn’t. I’ve officially launched my private practice, I don’t have any clients yet but I find myself not doing much to try to get them when I could be doing more. I’m still at my second placement and I basically dread going in even though it’s supportive and well run and my supervision group is genuinely wonderful.
I just feel like I’ve lost all passion and interest for the field. I have to force myself to pick up books to read. On the rare occasions I do I usually come away feeling a bit better about everything and a bit more motivated and positive about my chosen career. even though I dread going into placement, I often come out feeling much better about it and if the sessions go well I feel good - but it only takes one difficult session to send me into the doom zone about it all. It’s like all my motivation has evaporated.
It’s notable that I had another supervisor for a long time who really knocked my confidence and I’m kind of rebuilding from that, but it feels like this goes beyond that a bit. I see people on this forum talking about how hard the training was but that it was worth it and I just don’t feel the ‘worth it’. I keep thinking maybe it’ll feel different once I’m actually working in this field and making a bit of money, but I’m not sure if that’s true.
Ive been harbouring fantasies about just not doing this any more and going into another field; an adjacent one but not counselling. I’ve voiced this a little to a couple of people who have suggested that I am perhaps still burnt out, and deeply affected by the Bad Supervisor and my own imposter syndrome and I think all those things are true, but perhaps something deeper is there too. Ironically I can’t afford to have my own therapy at the moment which I know is sorely needed, but I’m currently working part time at minimum wage and on universal credit, so there just isn’t the funds for it currently.
Anyway. All of this is to say that I am feeling so ambivalent about it all and I suppose what I’d really like to hear is that others have been through this and come out the other side of it. But really regardless of what happened In The End I would love to hear any experiences that perhaps aren’t the ‘no regrets’ stuff I wish I felt.