u/WhatsAfterJihyoGaeul

I'm literally burning with envy cuz what seems normal to do for others is not allowed for us. I'm 21 and all my friends have a driver's license except me. They always ask me why I'm always cycling to places instead of a scooty, bike or car since my parents own all of them. I just look at them blankly, can't even tell them why.

My parents ask me what I did in college 5 years ago and I just stare at them blankly because I don't remember even a single person from back then forget what I even studied about. They said I'm useless for not being able to remember anything from my past. Mind you, 2 to 5 years ago was the time range when my condition was at its worst. They never understand.

I can usually cycle 50 km in one go but a few days ago I fainted while cycling and I had cycled only 4.48 km then. My dad said it's my fault because I overexert myself everyday.

I envy my sister and my cousins for being able to live a normal life while I'm constantly compared to them and called useless. Before I had epilepsy, I was the brightest among all of my cousins, now I'm considered the dumbest and the weakest.

It hurts, sometimes like today, I feel like I should end it all cuz what's the point when they'll never understand me? But then I tell myself that a few kms of cycling would fix these thoughts. But how many more kms should I do to permanently fix this?

I envy everyone who is living a normal life unlike most of us.