u/WhereDidOurTimeGo

Just went to HumbleBundle and bought a deluxe key for Steam! To celebrate the 5th anniversary of the worst day of everyone's lives, I want to give one of you a key to the game.

If you've watched this game: Who are your top five characters and why? Then, write a little creative short story involving them. (Please hide your comment with spoiler tag for those who haven’t played.)

If you haven't watched the game, but haven't been waiting to play: How long have you been waiting to play? And write me a short story about what you think happens in the game based off what you know.

I will give this a little time to brew, then I'll come back and pick the winner!

EDIT: THE WINNER HAS BEEN CHOSEN! THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO PARTICIPATED!

This run was requested for me to do! And you know what? Fair enough! I know exactly how it happened.

There has been discourse, over time, about Kaitlyn seemingly allowing Jacob to sabotage the vehicle. Some say she's stupid, some say she knew and didn't care because Jacob needed to learn his lesson. The truth is, the was the beginning of her machinations.

Kaitlyn Ka had been an avid watcher of yuri and sapphic shows. But anyone else who consumes that media knows how it goes; one the two women always seem to die in very, very stupid ways. Going all the way back to Tara from Buffy The Vampire slayer or perhaps Lexa from The 100. Or shows like First Kill getting cancelled. This was the beginning of Kaitlyn's villain arc.

Jacob's foolishness was exactly just what she needed to begin her plan. The sequence of events that you see in The Quarry are nothing but potential for yuri.

Kaylee: Kaitlyn feigns ignorance of Laura Kearney initially, but she knows her very well. When doing background checks on her fellow counselors, Kaitlyn found that Laura was a convicted felon. While suspicious of her absence, Kaitlyn figures she might be in the slammer for murder. Yet she always gets out. Kaitlyn was counting on that. Thus enter Kaylee Hackett. Or, well, exit. She's murdered and Kaitlyn knows Laura has only begun her killing spree. "NO! NOT MY LITTLE KAYLEE!" Do not worry Constance.

Jacob: Honestly, Kaitlyn didn't have to do much here. She knew the wickedness of comphet would play its part, but the yuri energy would prevail. Jacob finds Emma yet again, but he is punched by her. You may be thinking, "Emma! That is a horribly violent and unnecessary thing to do!" She was possessed by yuri, you must understand. In fact, the whole night Emma has been a vessel for these forces fighting each other! The display at the firepit was comphet possessing her!

Anyways, Jacob walks backward into a bear trap. Toxic masculinity possesses him and says, "You are gay if you can't pull yourself out of a bear trap. Because that means you are a bear." Jacob refuses to be a gay bear! So, he doesn't use the one brain-cell he does have but rather answers the call to yoink his foot right out. How does that one Fall Out Boy song go again? "Head like a steel trap, wish I didn't..."

Nick: Christ guys, he has one death! Laura fucking killed him! Her KDA increases to 2-0!

Constance: Laura wasn't going to Constance's stank breath for one more minute! When she started to go into a rant about how the homosexuals are destroying America, Laura just let that trigger have it. Supermassive is clearly MAGA because why is her face perfect after taking a close proximity shotgun blast to her face? RESTORE THE ORIGINAL BRUTALITY OF MAGA CONSTANCE'S DEATH!

Jedidiah: Laura was in no fucking mood for another hate crime. She beat that old man, cracked her knuckles, and choked him out! 4-0! LAURA KEARNEY IS ON A KILLING SPREE!!!!!

Bobby: Bobby's tits were too big for him to grab the gun, and Chris just ended up mauling him to death.

Chris: After being birthed in the poop pot by Constance, Chris was always fated to end up with a late case of homuhphobeia. And Ryan welcomed to the stage, Anita Silva Bullette!

Max: By calling upon the spirits of yuri earlier in the game, mentioning the ancient scrolls of The L Word, Max sealed his fate. The shitty, pissy, gay water called to him and swam over. He was a tragic, but needed, sacrifice to feed LB spirits of the LGBTQ.

Dylan: This is where the sacrifice was incredibly grueling for Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn went into camp with a burning hatred for twinks! (She is the one who stored the anti-twink spray that Emma used in the van). Watching shows like Heartstopper getting renewed over wlw media, it sowed a feeling of division within her heart. However, by the end of game, this was cognitive dissonance. For once, she enjoyed the company of a twink. But his sacrifice would be the most powerful. How will Netflix renew Heartstopper now?

Kaitlyn and Caleb: Knowing that her yuri couple was secured in the office, Kaitlyn made her biggest sacrifice. At the junkyard, she stuck out her leg like and offered it out like a stick of Churu to a cat. As soon as she felt Sila's severely unbrushed teeth puncture her leg, she knew she bought herself more control. She didn't think of this an infection, but more so her giving a real budget to her favorite yuri show. This allowed her to bring Caleb into the freezer with her. No escape for either of them. Because you could quite literally pry her yuri from her cold, dead hands.

Please, everyone, remember Kaitlyn Ka as the yuri protector. A rainbow heart for her. And though she only stood at 2 foot 3 inches, she stood for lesbianism.

Travis and Ryan: Travis had no clue he was only the support for Laura's final kill of the game. Oh, and Ryan was there too. That part didn't really matter to Laura. The local radio-station was surprisingly progressive and would not play "Jesus Take The Wheel" by Carrie Underwood due to her recent performance at Trump's inauguration. It was instead, "Laura Grab The Gun". And that she did.

Travis decided to dismantle stereotypes about female drivers and instead make one about middle aged men who get beheaded on the highway or something. Is this what Kaitlyn meant by road-head? Ryan joined Dylan to redirect the bullet aimed at wlw for "Bury your gays."

Laura and Silas: The two titans clashing. The entire game they had been on killing sprees, but their final kills were each other. Laura ended 5-1. Some could argue we could add some assists in there.

Emma and Abi: These two defied the laws of media! Kaitlyn shielded them from "bury your gays", and together they escaped the evil clutches of comphet. They also need a lot of therapy.

Eliza was FURIOUS! Threatening to always be with me, she's gonna watch me take a shit, yadda yadda. Little did she know that she was locked in with me. Forget mommy issues, bitch, I have granny issues! I never had one because they both died when I was really young! Eliza, show me how the fuck to make your famous meatloaf! HElLLOO???

The fucking podcast. I endured the fucking podcast again. This time they yapped on about how many dead bodies there were. Because yeah it was a huge mess for the invisi police at the end of the game. Luckily, Ms. Mountebank had an incredible lawyer on retainer. Maybe she also paid off the judge? Who knows! The point being: Blygbank are free women, baby! LOVE WINS! And the blame was pinned on the redneck, bumpkin ass family! Eliza was pleased about this too, I think? She whispered something about an enema to me when the headline changed. Maybe she means she's been constipated when they are alive, but finally she's gonna be able to take a ghost shit? I don't know. Come to think of it, I don’t think she’s watching me shit. I think she needs the toilet. But theoretically, couldn’t ghost take a crap anywhere? And does it come out as anything? Ectoplasm?

Edit: Forgotten pictures added to the comments. (Silas's death slide, podcast headlines.)

I was inspired by u/spacedoughnutcookie after their Just Jacob? (Working title plus my brain is fried.) play through.

I gave you all the power to save one male counselor and Hackett. You saved Max and Travis! Instead of solely posting pictures of deaths and survivals, I'm going to try to explain their fates.

Jacob: He drowned in the shit, piss, dead body lake early on. I decided to let him go mercifully, even costing the survivors one piece of evidence, early on because he was so close to winning Male Counselor Survivor. I'm sure Edward appreciated the company!

Nick: He has one death. I'm trying to come up with something interesting, but this guy had three minutes of screen time and game play. Let's just say, for the eligibility of survivor, Jacob wasn't there to pop, pop, pop his butter pops in Nick's mouth. Therefore, no evidence of LBGT-ness. Laura had to take him out.

Kaylee: Laura mistook her for a MAGA bigot! Which, is fair, because most of this family has hate crimed her!

MAGA Constance, Dead Jed, Big Bodacious Booby Bobby, Ally Chris: The game itself allowed ally Chris to kill his homophobic parents in one last act of allyship. However, he went mad and killed Bobby (potential ally/bear) so therefore Ryan had to end his suffering. It is suggested he contracted the virus hoemephobiuh from Constance's poop pot. Rest in peace Chris and Bobby. Rest in the Lake Septimus Piss Constance and Jed.

Max and Travis: Congratulations to the community's winners! Travis's use of "besties" saved him, and Max's wearing the shit out of Laura's outfit gave him the Emma Mountebank seal of approval.

Caleb: He simply was not voted for. There was compelling evidence for his victory of Hackett survivor, but some people stayed home because "their vote doesn't count anyways". Kaitlyn, vanguard of the LBGT community, had to shoot him in case he started a right wing grift.

Dylan: I thought it would be horrible to make a gay man lose his hand, so I infected him and he ran around all night. A gay, meat dog. He was then cured by Laura murdering yet another person.

Kaitlyn: Exemplary definition of "no amount of support is too small". This 3 foot woman stared down the barrel of a 10 foot shotgun to protect whatever in the name of yuri was happening in the surveillance room.

Abi, Emma: They both survive by default but Emma knew how many of you bitches want her dead. So she proposed to Abi that they make out to Chappell Roan so she will be granted double immunity.

Ryan: The blood smeared on him was lovingly extracted from gay werewolf Dylan. Thus securing his life.

Laura: Are you a girl boss if you haven't murdered anyone? Her bravery, and trigger happy disposition, secured a bigot free zone. Thank you, Laura Kearney for your service. A rainbow heart for you.

Silas: Laura had to put him down because if all these gay people got infected, then Fox News would blame the gays! It was a necessary cause.

Thus brings us to the end. Eliza whispered some freaky shit threateningly into my ear, Anton said strange things about teenagers. The headline blamed said teenagers because god forbid it be the redneck family! Then the police were submitted evidence by a chronically QUIRKY woman, and they were like "Oh, shit." Still too lazy to figure out what happened so let's fucking blame some kind of wild animal. Next month, we'll say bears.