u/Whiskered_human

Officially entered the “overweight” bmi but I’m okay

Hi everyone. It’s so interesting. If you told me before I entered recovery that I would enter the overweight bmi I would have never been brave enough to start recovery. I would have freaked out , I would not believe you if you said I’ll be ok with it

Well here I am now , I just hit it this week as I’ve been steadily gaining weight for just under 7 months in recovery.

I just wanted to share that I’m fine , I survived , and I’ve accepted it very quickly , it is not as bad or scary as I thought.

Before recovery I had no idea how much I would need to gain. I started from an underweight level before I entered recovery, and I thought there’s no way I’ll be able to handle gaining more than a certain amount, but each time I did surpass that, I was fine . And I’m still fine now

I don’t hate myself like I thought I would. I have some bad body image days as we all do, everyone has those in life .
However it’s nothing as bad as I thought it would be.

I’ve been obese multiple times in my life and lost and regained weight etc so I’ve been all kinds of weights , and now being back in the “overweight” category , after so long being underweight with that restriction that lead me to losing my period , now being back in “overweight” category, I don’t feel bad about it like I did before In the past at this same weight

It’s honestly free-ing , it’s amazing not caring so much about that , it used to consume me. The smaller I was the more fears I had of weight gain. But now being a healthier weight as I’ve gained weight I don’t have as much fear of gaining more weight , it’s strange how that works.

I just wanted to share this because I am one of those people who has had to gain more than I expected and I still don’t have my period back . I have gained just over 20 kg now (44 pounds)

My body is just one of those that needs more I guess to feel safe.

I won’t lie and say it’s been so easy this whole time to accept but it has not been so hard as well. And the first few months into recovery were harder mentally than now , as now the past few months I feel like a different person in a way , for the better. I’ve actually become neutral for the first time in my life about it and that’s amazing to me .

So if you’re in the same situation and you have to gain more than you expected and don’t know how much fither still you may need to gain, just know you’re not alone and you will be okay regardless !!

I don’t know how much more gain my body will need since I’ll have to continue now until it comes back and also have at least three stable cycles, so that part can sometimes feel alittle hard mentally but I also know i will be okay still because I’ve been okay all the way to this point now, and ive let go of any unrealistic fears about not surpassing certain weights etc

Whatever my body needs it will tell me and I won’t fight it .

Just wanted to say it’s okay and i understand the fears but even if you do have to gain as much as I did and am still gaining , I’m here with you and you’ll be okay . I have no regrets at all , I’m grateful everyday I chose to enter recovery. It’s not easy but it’s the right thing to do and I would not reverse a single thing about it , even though it’s been hard in some ways, it has given me my life back in others and I’m better for it .

For anyone reading just remember you have the rest of your life to re-assess in the future if you would want to drop any weight in a new healthier way , not like before , if you did have to overshoot weight etc. but for this season of life you will have to do what you need to do for period recovery as the main focus right now.

I only say that because I know many people here think it’s locked forever that you have to give up on your body dreams or health etc. it’s not like that but different life seasons call for different measures . And even when your period is back and stable I would hope you now have a better life where you would take all your lessons learnt from losing your period and never repeat them in future too. Recovery can be a blessing in disguise as it teaches us new ways of living in the future where we respect our bodies and keep them safe and find that ultimate beautiful balance of health and safety and freedom . ❤️

Hi everyone

So not much to add honestly just need to let some of my fear or feelings out I guess

So it’s been 6 and a half months now all in recovery , still waiting for my period to come back.

Feeling abit mentally overwhelmed today just because I’ve been trying to get it off my mind lately and not anticipate it so much , but some days (like today) I just feel like it’s mentally hard to not be subconsciously paranoid if it will even come back for me and if I’m doing everything ok.

I’m just scared I guess.

I’ll keep pushing through but yeah I just hope for everyone else still waiting , just know you’re not alone I’m right there with you and it’s been a long journey so far and I get worried and anxious about it and it all feels unknown sometimes but I still have hope at the same time.

Nothing to say really besides this is scary and I hope it works soon and you’re not alone in this.
😭 hopefully tomorrow’s a better day. I just feel extra worried and paranoid today for some reason.

I hope what I’m about to say makes sense and can help someone. I have noticed how unfairly we view our lower weight body vs higher weight body . We have double standards that I’ll try to explain , this helps me to be more neutral and rational when I have bad body image days. I hope it can help someone else too

Have you ever noticed how if you were to go and list your pros and cons for your past lower weight body vs your current higher weight body, we genuinely dismiss and ignore all the physical cons of our lower weight body ( we only remember or talk about that body as looking better ), But we then do the exact opposite for our higher weight body (we do NOT dismiss the negatives at all we will in fact very confidently say what we dislike about it , we will label every detail we don’t like) …. And at the same we genuinely do not even see the positive better looking parts because our eyes and brain filter them out. It’s such a double standard we have on ourselves.

I’ll try to explain better below with my own body as an example

One thing I’ve noticed is how when I was at my absolute lowest weight underweight body, i genuinely did not see how bad it was until I look back now in hindsight. I maybe knew at the time I had parts of my body that were objectively not good looking (example my butt Was so deflated and saggy , like genuinely embarrassing to be honest it did not look ok it was a deflated wrinkly sagging area), also my breasts we’re completely deflated looking and sagging after the weight loss I had no body fat and It was to the point my nipples we’re facing downwards to the ground I had no volume in my breasts ,
Also my arms were sickly looking, my face looked so tired and depleted. These are just a few things I remember noticing about my own body being r at my low weight.

However, my point is that if you asked me at that time how I felt about my body my brain looked past all those negatives I just said and all of saw was “skinny” and “small” and “good” that’s all I my brain thought. I never even cared or acknowledged the saggy bits and deflated bits etc

Now at my higher weight during recovery after gaining 18 kg so far (almost 40 pounds) my body now has corrected all those above bits I mentioned I have more body fat and I have areas now that I’m not so happy with (stomach, love handles etc, ) but now I am feeling better in general and can now see that my breasts are looking better than ever they filled out and my nipples situation is way better looking than before lol) and my butt looks better it’s way higher and more filled out and I have hips again and I look more feminine and so many positives.

However before I reached this stage of recovery as I was gaining weight all I saw was negative , now my mindset is so different and I trained my brain to see the positives and now I genuinely see them

It just made me realise for everyone here you probably spend so much brain power genuinely only seeing the negative features as you’ve gained weight and you never allowed your brain or eyes even to see the new positives the nice features the improved parts of your body.
We naturally just ignore the good parts and focus on the bad , however when it comes to our lower weights in the past we do the exact opposite … we talk about the good parts we liked and we forget or ignore or don’t care about the negative looking parts from that version

I just find that so interesting and if you can stay aware that your brain and eyes do that, it can help you change that and how you see yourself. It neutralises your own perceptions and bias and helps you see yourself for who you truly are and the beauty that’s there , even if it’s different.

Just something that had me reflecting today
We really need to train ourselves to see the good in our recovering bodies as well, it’s an unfair comparison to only focus on the negatives we see in our higher bodies , whereas before we were so happy to dismiss the negatives in our lower bodies.

Don’t let your brain have those double standards , there’s beautiful things now that you can unblock your eyes from seeing if you allow yourself to .

I hope this made sense at all , it just helps me see my body in a more fair way now ❤️

I had my first appointment with the fertility specialist that I mentioned before. This was the appointment I was nervous about that my husband wanted us to go to.

The doctor was so lovely , understanding and did not push an agenda at all or pressure me into anything

Basically she just decided I need to do some blood tests which I’ll do tomorrow and we will review in my next appointment in 5 weeks.

she said she encourages 100% for me to continue my natural recovery protocol now , she’s happy with what I’m doing so far and she will not push anything on me. She said she wants to rule out PCOS and also is curious to see my hormone levels etc and mainly egg count (AMH) which I’ll do the blood tests for that tomorrow.

If my egg count is normal and not low (due to my age of 35 years old) she is happy to let me continue trying natural recovery with no interventions. She is concerned mainly to see if my egg count is low meaning I don’t have much time if I want to conceive in future she explained , but if my egg count is okay then no rush or reason to consider any interventions she explained

She will Rule out pcos etc all that in the tests too

I’m just honestly thankful she was so fair and listened to me and did not push me to anything. I was worried she would not hear me out and would not know much about what causes hypothalamic amenhorrea or how to recover etc , and push me to take stuff or straight away resort to pills or IVF etc since that’s her speciality as a fertility specialist, but she was actually so fair and kind and did not dismiss any of my history , she knew enough about HA and the causes and how to recover naturally, and she told me to keep going and that she believes it’s 100% possible to come back

She even acknowledged and emphasised to me that she knows and sees my struggle through my eyes and that as women we have immense pressure to try and control our food and weight and we need to have a balance where we are happy not being on either extreme (obesity vs underweight). She explained as women we struggle and obsess over our weights , but our bodies have their own natural range they are comfortable at and if we do not have enough fat on our bodies we will not be healthy and fertile. She explained if we force ourselves below our own safety weights our body will not be safe. That reassured me that she knows how serious HA is and what causes it.

I have a follow up with her in 5 weeks from now and that’s when I’ll find out my egg count and if we ruled out the other concerns etc and if I’m fine to just continue natural recovery .

It relieved a lot of pressure from me now and now I don’t have to deal with my husband being so paranoid that I’m not on the right track etc he heard it from her and understood more

It was a good experience thankfully. I know not all doctors are good and many specialists do not help but I’m lucky she was a good one

Hi so I’m just wondering, during recovery did anyone have the following pattern in cervical mucus. I can’t figure out really what it might mean and whether it sounds like a good or neutral thing

So as mentioned before I’m in recovery 6 months after 3 years no period, and the whole time I was very dry down there but for the past few weeks I’ve had cervical mucus that was clear , egg white like it increased more and more last week, then several days ago it was off white or cloudy (I would notice that in the morning when wokeup and it collected more overnight, the morning I would notice it cloudy thicker and more off white colour, but now yesterday and today there’s nothing , no cervical mucus. This concerns me abit, not sure why it would stop I haven’t changed anything and I’m worried and unsure what it could mean

Has anyone in recovery had a similar situation or any changes like that ?

Hi everyone just a quick post to say it’s been 6 months now into recovery .
Lost my period for just under 3 years now with 6 months now officially into solid all in recovery efforts
Still waiting for my turn to get it back, but just wanted to say to everyone struggling through this and going through it , I see you and am right there with you. Feel free to message or DM me if you ever need someone to talk to , I know it’s an isolating journey sometimes and sometimes you just need to vent and speak your fears out and have a listening ear. I’m happy to help anyone if you just want to talk. My DMS are always open

A few reflections in recovery. The weight gain gets easier and easier as time goes on, not exercising is also fine you get used to it and look forward to the future again when you can incorporate more movement one day, but the longer recovery takes , the hardest part to me is the unknown of when it will happen or wondering if it’s even possible to happen for me , logically yes I know it is but the fear exists in my heart that I can’t even imagine it coming back sometimes , because it’s been a fairly long time gone and also a long time trying to recover . I try not to compare to other timelines as I know everyone’s body is different , but I’m hoping hoping hoping my turn will come . I have faith it will. I just don’t know when I guess

As I’ve said in previous posts , my only signs so far are producing some cervical mucus again the past few weeks for the first time in the whole 2.7 years of having hypothalamic amenorrhea so that was a big deal for me . But it’s not a huge amount, but it is consistent everyday instead of being dry like before so that’s my little sign from my body that hopefully I’m on the right track.

No other big things that people talk about, I keep hoping to have some big signs like sore breasts or sensitive nipples or abdominal pain or something but nothing of that sorts

But it’s all okay I know eventually something can happen I trust it can, even though I don’t have any obvious signs . It’s been a long 6 months but I’ll stay patient

But just wanted to say , keep going everyone and if you need to vent or talk , I’m here and cheering you on . You’re not alone , and I know it’s hard but we cannnn do hard things.

I’m just writing this post as a raw honest real time account of my current recovery weight gain update with the intention of someone else reading this and knowing to KEEP GOING, and to help anyone else feeling or experiencing the same things

I’m at a point in my recovery where my weight gain is showing more and more . However I’ve been dealing with it way better than I imagined I would before I began recovery

I have now gained 17 kg (38 pounds) from my lowest (was just underweight before I started recovery) . All the weight gain until the last few kgs was restoring my body to “normal” looking again, but the past few kgs (the last 4 kgs ) and from this point onwards as I continue to gain it’s starting to look more noticeable.
I know BMI isn’t the most reliable or relevant tool but I’m around 3 kg away now from “overweight” according to it.

But BMI aside , just based on visual what I see my body is starting to widen especially from behind and my back and stomach and thighs and face. But my lower body is looking rather wider than I was used to in a very long time.

I’m writing this to say that even though I can objectively see my body expanding more and more now and the changes are starting to feel more intense than they did along the way since I started from such a low weight, it’s still okay, it’s still easier than I expected, it’s still not the end of the world, and I’m still motivated to continue as I still have not yet my period so I will stay strong and continue .

Before starting recovery I would have never imagined myself to be able to reach this point and be okay. I was petrified of the change and so resistant. That’s why I delayed recovery so long ….. but now that I’m here and beyond the number I mentally thought I’ll ever allow for myself … I am more than okay. I can objectively see the change, I know I am not the small version of myself anymore ,but I am still exactly the same person, if not better (mentally, personality wise, presence in my life, better relationships)

I just wanted to say for anyone else specifically scared of reaching certain points in weight gain that if you do, and when you do … you actually will be okay !
I have never been so objective in my life looking at my body with such a logical non emotional response.
I look now and can say “my hips , back and butt and stomach are wider now and my lower body is wider than I’m used to” and that is all my brain says .

Before in the past that would all be followed with “oh my god I need to change this, this is too much, I look too wide , people will think I let myself go won’t they ? What if I keep getting bigger again, is this normal, is this healthy, I don’t look good” those are the spiral emotional thoughts that I would say and believe to the core.

And now for the first time in my life noneeeee of those came up, I look in the mirror and have zero spiral or emotion. It’s surprising to me and so incredible. I just say “yeah my body is different now because I’m trying to get my period back and this is because I love myself to get my health back and I don’t actually care if anyone notices , I’m doing it for me” and that’s all there is to it

I’m just at that point now in recovery with every kg I gain from here now is a bigger obvious show and I am very visibly different to my leanest version , so if you have a fear of that or you think you won’t be able to handle it I’m just here to tell you that somehow amazingly once it happens …. It’s literally freedom, you somehow won’t care like you think you will. You’ll accept it , even if you react or feel bad sometimes. You genuinely will handle it and move on and still love life even more than before

. The freedom and self compassion and letting go of rigidity or control overshadows literally every negative internal reaction you have to seeing your body different

The only wayyyy is to experience it for yourself otherwise you won’t even believe me , I did not expect myself to feel this way I could not imagine it before so I would not have even believed myself
But somehow it’s just like exposure therapy, the only way is THROUGH it, action first and then the rest falls into place

Let the thing you’re scared about happen and then when you survive it it loses its power over you !
That’s what makes this so hard, jumping in before you can find the proof that you’ll be ok. You cannot think your way out of this you just need to do the right steps and then allow the natural process of brain re-wiring to take place

I hope this made sense . I just wanted to share incase it resonates with people when you reach that hard stage of recovery
It’s been 6 months for me continuously gaining and it’s only now that my body size is starting to objectively look vastly different to my start point and I’m beginning to notice it a lot.

And this is from someone with a past of obesity and major internal fears of being in that place again. But even with all that, it’s been surprisingly a beautiful learning experience that I genuinely can handle this and have been handling it. You will be ok, and you will surprise yourself how the more and more into recovery you get, the more you accept and love yourself

I genuinely think somehow the more you gain , the more you accept yourself even though it’s the biggest fear we all have before we try and recover. That’s been my experience for sure

Wishing you all the absolute best in recovery and just know that you are notttt alone in this. I’m right there with you all !

So I’m 12 days away from my appointment with the fertility specialist that my husband wanted to go to.

Here’s to me hoping my period returns before that appointment or very soon after the appointment before any pressure is placed by the doctors or from anyone in my life to push me towards IVF or ovulation medication etc .

I’m not opposed to IVF buttttt I would much rather get my period back naturally first and recover from the HA than be pushed towards ivf or ovulation medication etc. I just want my health back first and natural recovery and then give conception a natural shot, after stable cycles.

I’m 35 years old now, been in HA recovery for just under 6 months now and lost my period for just under 3 years.

I’ve recently noticed cervical mucus for the first time in years it’s been consistently showing up the last few weeks , no other symptoms or signs yet but I really really really hope I can get it back

This has been a longgggg 6 months but I’ve pushed through and am so thankful for that. I don’t know if I’m close or what to getting a period but yeah it would feel like a miracle if it came before that appointment time in 2 weeks or very shortly after

I feel like I just need abit more time but yeah I cannot cancel that appointment or ask for more time it’s been a point of tension with my partner , this appointment was booked a while ago and I was hoping my period would be back before it so I can cancel it and avoid it all
But two weeks left, I just feel I need abit more time in recovery and I can get it back naturally but I’m trying not to let the timeline and pressure get to me

Just wanted to put this out there and hope for the best.

Worst case scenario is I go to the appointment and hopefully the specialist can agree to give me more time at natural recovery without suggesting I take anything or interfere with the process , so that my husband can back off my case and trust that I’m doing the right thing and it can buy me some more time

I understand that I’m 35 and for fertility sake I shouldn’t waste more time but I feel like I’m close, I can do this. It’s been 6 months in recovery, it should work eventually I hope 😣

5 months and 3 weeks into recovery now. Still have not got my period yet but feeling hopeful in some more time I will. Lost my period for just under 3 years now

I thought I would share so far some unexpected and some pleasantly surprising benefits I’ve noticed in recovery so far

1. After making the hard decision to just start and then starting recovery. I then over time developed self trust and a new found confidence in my ability to pivot in life , both now and in the future. I used to be so rigid in my diet and exercise that it transferred to other areas of my life I became so rigid and unable to break my routine , I hated change, I hated unknowns, I was always on edge I didn’t realise how bad until I entered recovery and started letting go of my rules and routine etc, I realised how I trust myself and can be flexible and more spontaneous and just less controlling and more “go with the flow “ in all areas (I was very opposite before)

2. I’m so much less vain than before. I still care and have bad body image days. But I also had those at my lowest smallest version of myself anyway, but I still have them now but for the first time in my life at 35 years old I actually learnt how to look at myself for who I really am, not my appearance or body. I respect myself in a new way, I’m learning the meaning of unconditional love and I look at myself with so much kinder eyes than I ever have before

3. I became funny again ! I genuinely did not even realise I lost that. Growing up I was always trying to make people happy and laugh and I was just funny and sarcastic and had a big personality and I liked breaking down barriers and making people feel comfortable to just be themselves and not have to be so formal etc.
   somewhere along the way I lost all that without even realising it through obsessively controlling my scale weight etc and routine.
   How into recovery after a few months I noticed now I laugh for real, I feel emotions, I’m always talking now (I used to just be so numb and quiet and not bothered in social situations ) now I talk, I’m more relaxed , I laugh, I do silly things again. I can’t even explain why but I feel so much more relaxed and just animated I like that lol.

4. I don’t freak out anymore about eating out or change of routine or food timings etc and all that. It’s such a relief I didn’t realise how much that controlled my life before. I was living by a schedule that I created myself that limited my free time so much and my mood

5. I’m not emotionally driven by the scale anymore
   I still weigh myself and keep track of it but way less often and I don’t feel the need to control every variable to stay in such a tight range , I don’t react or care anymore with fluctuations it’s just data to me now , not a number I control anymore . And seeing it go up consistently has been so neutral to me now . It’s intentional and the numbers mean less and less to me, I don’t let them judge how I look, I trust my eyes and look at myself and think I don’t care what the number says , this is me today and I look fine . The numbers have lost their power over me

And there’s so much more tiny things I’ve noticed but overall these are just main ones that came to my mind now as I was reflecting.

Feel free to share any of your experiences so far in recovery too ! Whatever your period has or has not returned yet.

sometimes we dwell on the hard parts or the fears or the unknowns and we forget to reflect on the unexpected new advantages we experience in recovery that we would never have been blessed with if we didn’t need to go through this process

This community has become like my journal at this point lol so don’t mind me , but I’m starting to notice more cervical mucus !
At first when I noticed abit it was a tiny bit weeks back and I only found it when I was looking for it digging for it honestly and it would be abit then nothing

But I’ve been noticing more and more now
I check for it myself and it’s more in the amount and frequency than before

When I first noticed it it was maybe once a day some days , then nothing

Now the past two weeks and this week I can say everyday I’ve noticed some , and also I’ve noticed this week particularly the past two days it went from being more clear and egg white looking and thin , to a thicker more cloudy kind , not a lot at all, just abit in amount but quite consistent , I’ll notice it a few times a day

To me this is a big deal because I was having zeroooo cervical mucus or discharge for almost 3 years while having HA, was soooo dry down there

So the fact I can feel something this is my only signs I’ve noticed since starting recovery 5.6 months ago that my body might be doing something . I’m almost scared to get my hopes up , it’s not a big amount or anything but it’s definitely is better than before where there was absolutely nothing

I don’t have anything else any signs or anything but this is a small glimmer of hope for me that something behind the scenes could be working I dont know.

Just wanted to share incase anyone else is experiencing something similar or feeling defeated by a lack of signs maybe

TW: weights and numbers.

Hi everyone so Ill give my stats real quick before I get to the whole point of this post.. I’m still trying to recover my period , it’s been gone for 2.5 years now , and I entered recovery now over 5 months ago , so it’s been almost 5 and a half months now .

I’m 35 years old, and I’m 168cm , my period disappeared around 67 or 68 kg I think as I was losing weight (I was coming down from my highest of 115 kg I was obese ) and around the time I lost it I bought a Fitbit watch and became step count obsessed , I was eating a decent amount of calories (2100) but not enough for the level of activity I started doing because I was dropping weight faster when I started over doing the walking, so I was still in a deficit clearly by the weight drops. I got down to 55 kg and stayed there for over 1.5 years “maintaining” but sometimes dropping below. I maintained that with a huge step count I was obsessive and physical job on my feet all day and eating around 2100-2300 calories

I then accidentally dropped to 53 kg, then 52 kg over the next months, then my lowest ever of 49.8 kg right when I quit my job and decided to enter recovery . Looking back me at 55 kg was not natural looking on me at all (even though at the time I thought that was my “perfect” weight I was so happy with it proud etc, but when I look back how I can see how bad it looked on me personally
I had no muscle, (I still don’t I’ve never resistance trained in my life ) but that weight was way too low for me , and then when I dipped below that I look back now and can’t believe how sick I looked especially towards the end, I can’t look at my pictures or videos at 49.8 kg or the 50-53 kg ones without feeling weird , I didn’t realise how bad it was

Anyway sorry for rambling, so when I decided to enter recover I was 49.8 kg, 5 and a half months later now I’m 65 kg now , so 17 kg gained so far

Before recovery my “maximum” weight upper limit I did not want to have to exceed in recovery was 55-57 kg , that was clearly unrealistic but at the time that’s what I thought.

I just wanted to say now when I hit 57 kg I was thinking it was such a huge deal and I didn’t want to continue but I’m so glad I did , I then thought “as long as I stay under 60 kg nothing over “ but then something good happened , as I hit 58, then 59 kg I was starting to realise I look fine still I feel fine , nothing catastrophic is happening,

And then I hit 60 kg and my brain was just like “it’s ok it’s fine “ and I started from that point upwards losing the fear of weight gain again, my brain had evidence now that the world didn’t end and I’m fine

And now I keep gaining and I’m pushing my surplus even higher and higher because I’ve lost that fear of gaining and losing control

I know that when this is all said and done I’ll be able to trust myself to properly and in a healthy way manage whatever I need to manage if I ever do get overweight again , my past with obesity has made me not trust myself I guess but that was different times in my life and years ago and I need to let go of those fears.
Being 65 kg now I look different I look healthier and better according to everyone around me but I’ll be honest that now I’m really starting to feel and see the difference and my brain is still going through an adjustment period now but it’s no way near as scary and bad as I thought

Every time I hit a number my brain thought I won’t be able to handle , I just handles it and moved on.

So if you’re afraid of numbers and gaining certain amounts etc, I just hope this honest post with my own personal numbers can help someone just to realise that even though your biggest mental fears at the start of recovery even if they start happening in real time , somehow once it happens you realise it’s actually fine , you can handle it, and you remember why you’re doing it and you just deal with it and start feeling free again , it gets easier as time goes on ,
I just wish at the start of recovery I knew or felt that, I would not have believed myself but it’s been true for me .

And even though now I’m scared still of when it will come back and if it will and how long etc and how much more will I gain I still wonder all that but I now have evidence that even if I keep gaining and start feeling self conscious again about the number I will end up at …. I will be fine , I’ll mentally adjust again and survive just as I have so far ,

It doesn’t mean I won’t have bad body image days still and have a little mental outburst session from time to time but I’ll get over it so quick and carry on in recovery, and wear the more comfortable looser clothes and carry on again being happy I’m in recovery and feeling free and all the either benefits I’ve found so far,

This post is long so I’ll stop writing now I just hope anyone else who’s terrified of gaining past certain points can realise once you do it , it’s genuinely okay it’s fine and you realise your brains fears were shouting so loud but they were like a false alarm, it’s not as bad as you think it will be and you’ll still love yourself and be your true authentic self even more than before. It’s such a beautiful experience even though it’s hard and has new challenges , it’s also got rewards you won’t even know you needed until you start experiencing them

So just keep going and try your best to fight away your fears and trust that you’ll actually handle it all better than you expected

Hi everyone just thought I’ll ask this question as well as I’ve been wondering if anyone can share any experience after they recovered their period if anything libido wise changed ? My periods been gone for 2.5 years and I have zerooooo absolutely zero sex drive or libido , no interest in it at all to be honest , and I’m married too.

Did anyone have long term no libido or any sexual feeling or anything and no good feelings even during sex etc and then when you got your period back things changed??

To be honest it doesn’t really bother me I’ve become so used to it , I think because it’s been even years before that when I was on an SSRI (Zoloft) for my anxiety that killed my Libido, and I was on that for 13 years , I quit the Zoloft medication around maybe 3 years ago, and my libido never returned but also that’s around the time I then developed HA hypothalamic amenorrhea too

So I’m not sure If for me I lost all libido permanently from the SSRI or if it’s because of my hypothalamic amenorrhea too, it’s hard to tell

I’m just wondering if there’s hope for me when I regain my period hopefully if that can all return . I literally never ever ever think about sex or anything lol I could live forever without it and not care , but If it can return one day that would be nice. I don’t remember what it feels like to have all those feelings even , it makes me feel like I’m missing out on a core part of the human experience or something

Okay so this might get abit graphic how I describe it , but I’m just really hoping to understand this more , I don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing, but does it count as “cervical mucus” or discharge if you only notice it when you manually check with your fingers for it? As in, you don’t notice it at all coming out of you on underwear or panty liners or when wiping with tissue, but when you manually check with your fingers you can feel some clear thin discharge ? Like egg white feeling but only if you manually check otherwise I would not have ever noticed ?

I’m over 5 months into recovery now and have been checking now manually and have noticed for the first time in over 2 years sometimes I can feel that… after being dead dry the whole two years

But the thing I’m doubting is , does that count as what people refer to as recovery signs , I’m doubting it because honestly if I never manually checked on purpose or tried finding it I would have never noticed it ,
And for those who say they get cervical mucus etc I’m assuming that it comes out of them and it’s obvious or they see it when wiping etc in a more obvious way ??

also I only started checking for it recently in the past few weeks , so I’m not sure if it’s never been there before while I had HA or if it’s a new thing now ,

I would feel much more confident about it if it was coming outside in an obvious way . Did anyone experience anything similar ?? Is this a good sign , does it mean much ??

Does intentional overeating ultra processed foods help with recovery.

So I’m 5 months into recovery all in. Been in a surplus gaining weight consistently , have gained 13 kg so far since I started recovery

I’m just wondering if I intentionally choose some days here and there just for the fun of it where I intentionally replace main meals or food with “junk” food , I know it’s not junk but just using that word to make it obvious what I mean, like icecream and cake etc etc. if I do that intentionally because it’s high fat and sugar (carbs)
Would that help speed up recovery or not really ??
I usually eat mostly whole foods healthy fats etc balanced meals ,
And I’m not craving anything to be honest I’m not hungry or craving “junk” but I’m just brainstorming ways to speed this up possibly . Maybe this is completely illogical , just wondering if I should do that sometimes to try and get my period back faster
Has anyone done this towards the end of recovery and noticed anything ?
I think I’m just desperate lol I don’t know

Been all in for 5 months now, trying to get my period back after it’s been gone for 2 and a half years now.
I’m 35 years old

I’ve mentioned in past posts my husband wanted me to book with a fertility specialist to discuss IVF etc or to see what to do about this hypothalamic amenorrhea stuff he doesn’t think I’m on the right track, he’s unaware or just paranoid and needs to hear from a specialist that I’m doing the right thing with recovery he doesn’t want to take my word for it since in the past I told him my habits were fine (I was in denial) before I ever tried recovery so he’s basically not trusting that I know what I’m doing

Anyway that appointment is one month away and I’m I’m praying to god that I get my period before that appointment comes so I don’t end up being asked to take any hormonal stuff or medication or have to consider IVF etc or do anything ,
I feel like natural period recovery first would obviously be the best solution and I’m just scared because no obvious signs at all yet , just over 5 months into recovery

Not sure what I’m asking now just venting abit I’m getting anxious the closer it is to that date , one month left for it to come hopefully so I can bypass all that stuff and just stick to recovery with no interferences

Worse case scenario is that appointment comes and my period hasn’t returned yet, maybe I can buy some more time before taking anything or all that with them and it comes after that appointment naturally before starting any protocols , if they do testing first etc I’m not sure how that appointment will go and what they’ll recommend. I don’t want a huge strain on our relationship if they recommend medicine etc and I say no , my husband will start thinking I just don’t want to recover or I’m wasting our last chances at having kids or something

He’s just worried we are wasting time and will regret it in future
But I just want my period back naturally and to bypass all that stuff if I can . I’m not ready to even consider IVF etc if I don’t have to, or hormones or anything that masks ovulation or causes a false bleed etc I just want to get my period back naturally and know it worked so I can have better health and then I’ll try naturally to conceive after regular cycles etc

I know I’m 35 and it’s been a long time in recovery and the unknown of it all is so scary. I just don’t know
I feel so nervous and defeated abit.

I do have hope it can return but I also am equally as paranoid it won’t happen for me
I just don’t know I feel like I could cry writing this
I want to just stay positive and stay trusting the process
Today’s just sooooo hard and I’m just scared .
Needed to let this out I guess

Been “all In” period recovery officially 5 months now. Had hypothalamic amenorrhea for 2.5 years now. Still no signs and symptoms that it’s coming back yet
But yeah just a random post check in I guess.
Not sure how much longer. I’m 35 years old , just waiting for this period to come back.
I’m hopeful still but also worried and paranoid that it won’t work for me even though it logically should.

To anyone else waiting patiently and struggling with the unknown. I can relate and I see you and feel you.
😣
Wishing a smooth recovery for us all.

Just a reminder to anyone else in recovery like me. Buy some bigger clothes that fit you !! Especially pants

This week I gave up on my skinny jeans and leggings etc , and I decided to experiment for the first time (I’m 35 years old) with fashion or style. I’ve never ever focused on dressing stylish or caring, I just wore whatever

But I purchased new bigger size clothes and those wide leg pants and straight cut and elastic bands pants and linen pants etc, things that are spacious and flowy and wow what a world of a difference in my body image struggles and comfort ,

It’s sooooo worth it, I was going to wait and buy later on because not sure how much more need to gain but I decided I want to be comfortable now too

And proper fitting non tight pants have been a game changer for how I look and feel and making this process nicer.
I never thought they would suit me these current pants trend I’ve always only worn tight pants or leggings or jeggings or skinny jeans
But now I’m wearing loose jeans and pants and skirts and those types that don’t dig in or feel constricting no matter how you move , and bloating etc,
And it even looks way better I feel so much more sophisticated and put together vs how I used to dress even at my leanest , I never tried to be stylish when I was at my leanest I just threw whatever and didn’t know how to dress

I’m not saying you have to be super focused or care about trends even , I don’t really care too much buttt I’m using some basic research and style advice videos and I took a few key points and bought proper sizing clothes now that are roomy and fit me well and I feel soooooo much better with my current body now doing that

I just wanted to share this incase any of you might feel motivated to try it for yourself too.

Did anyone not have any discharge at all whatsoever in recovery and get their period back ? No cervical mucus or discharge

I’m 35, recovery been all in recovery for 4.6 months now , nothing. Have HA no period for 2.5 years now

No exercise , gaining weight , in a surplus. My biggest concern is literally no discharge , dry as ever while having HA.

Did anyone in recovery experience the same , no discharge at all and their period still came back ? If anyone can share any experiences for some reassurance maybe

I just thought of a question that popped into my head

So when it says 3-6 months mostly for periods to return after entering recovery, at what point is counted day one of recovery , if someone made small changes and step by step changes , what part counts as day one the timeline from when they entered recovery ??

So for example with me I count 4.5 months since I’ve been “all In” I count from this point because that’s the day I stopped all exercise .
But abit before that I increased calories , and I reduced my step count , and my final step eventually was stopping cardio exercise, and then abit after that I eventually realised I was delaying breakfast until 2 hours after I wokeup and had my coffee first, then 2 months ago I began eating a bar with my coffee within 30 minutes of waking up and then have my breakfast an hour after that

So basically those are my big changes I’ve made, but is my timeline of “all in” recovery start counting down from the day I stopped all exercise ??
I know maybe I’m over thinking it but I just want to know at what point you counted from your recovery to when your period came back ?

I’ve been counting from the day I stopped exercise would that be accurate in my story ? If so that means I’m 4.5 months into recovery ?