Mind paralyzed by a woman's tears | Renunciation letter series from "On the Path of the Great Arahants"
(Edited translation)
For a bhikkhu who is developing the path to Nibbāna, going for alms from house to house in proper order is something that helps strengthen his own path to Nibbāna. When a bhikkhu goes on piṇḍapāta, in a village there may be an unseen distance from one house to the next. The residents of the houses are engaged in farming work. Poverty, faith, good conduct, and the wish to give dāna are present within them.
One day, while standing in front of a farmer’s house for piṇḍapāta, a woman came. She was young. A small child also came running behind her. She may have been the mother of one child. What she carried in both hands was a bottle of sugar. It too was half empty. She offered two spoonfuls of sugar into the bowl. Suddenly she began to sob and cry. “Venerable Sir, this child’s father spends everything he earns on drinking. There is nothing at home to offer,” she said in a very pleading voice, and she sobbed. Having shared merit with her, the bhikkhu departed.
A woman’s tears, her sobbing, the pain of separation, the man’s neglect, the compassion asked for by a mother of one child all these are the food that Māra gives you. It was Māra himself who fell crying before you in the form of a mother of one child. If you think, “Ah, poor thing. Because she has no food, she has no milk for the child either. I should give something from the bowl to the child. Tomorrow I should bring some biscuits or something and give them…”
If you go to sympathize with her sorrow in that way, then the one you are actually showing sympathy to is Mara. In the future, Mara will make you the servant of a mother of one child in a household.
However, if you are skillful, you should reflect like this: The woman crying before me has, throughout samsara, been born as a human daughter, a deva daughter, a hungry ghost (peta) daughter and an animal daughter. She has wept through grief, through separation and through being neglected by a husband. Even in this age of a Buddha's arising, she has inherited nothing but tears as a human daughter.
What she seeks is sympathy and compassion. What you seek is liberation (Nibbana). To seek sympathy and compassion is to seek to accumulate something. To cultivate the path to Nibbana is to let go. Therefore, you should let go of her tears and her sorrow. You should see tears and sobbing merely as their natural nature, just as a child is the natural condition of a mother.
Having let go of everything and gone forth from the lay household, one becomes ordained to develop the path to Nibbāna not in order to show sympathy to the world. Not in order to extinguish the suffering of others. It is to extinguish suffering within oneself. As you go on this journey, there will come occasions when even mettā, karuṇā, and sympathy must be let go of. By showing mettā and karuṇā to the world, you cannot realize Nibbāna within this very life. You have still not escaped from the helpless condition of dying, becoming ill, and aging within the world. First, free yourself from this helpless condition.
For meritorious people who run after the delusion that there is happiness in saṃsāra, who believe that their pāramī are still insufficient, and who make wishes for pleasing worlds according to their preferences, such qualities as mettā and karuṇā should indeed be developed more and more. There is no argument about that. Those qualities should be developed to the utmost possible extent.
Look how unwilling beings are to hurt Māra’s feelings. They long for his embrace itself. Māra’s embrace is bhava. While enjoying the warmth of Māra’s embrace with delight and relish, and while sobbing and crying, you have experienced it for hundreds of crores of kappas. Even today, you are attached to the saṃsāra that Māra stretches out his hand and points to.
You postpone liberation until the Dispensation of the future Buddha Metteyya. Then, for many more eons and through tens of thousands of rebirths, dying and being reborn again and again, if by some chance you are born as a human during the Dispensation of the Buddha Metteyya, then even at that time, just as today, Mara will point his finger toward the Dispensation of the next Buddha yet to arise. You will accept that as well. In this way, Mara has led you on, passing by hundreds of thousands of Dispensations of Fully Self-Awakened Buddhas, and has brought you to where you are now.
It is for this very reason that, by making Mara's warmth the warmth of your own body, you have inherited an ocean of suffering throughout samsara. If you wish to become free from Mara, who has brought you such suffering, you need not add anything to your life. What you must do is let go of everything.
Look at yourself, you are doing the difficult thing, which is accumulating, while avoiding the easy thing, which is letting go. If your mind comes to rest beside her tears, that is Mara's Dhamma. Letting go is the supramundane Dhamma. Do you wish to become a son of Māra? Or do you wish to become a son of the Buddha?
If what you do is collecting, accumulating, and heaping up, then you too are certainly a son of Māra. After death, ordinary worldling laypeople and monastics will compete to give sermons at the paṃsukūla ceremony, raise banners, and show you as one who has attained Nibbāna. Wearing the garlands of excrement placed on you by ordinary worldling laypeople and monastics, what will happen to you is that you will have to go toward another birth. That may be the four apāyas. It may also be the deva or human worlds. Yet in all of them, there is only suffering.
You must be skillful in making the practice of piṇḍapāta into a journey of seeking the requisites needed to develop the path to Nibbāna. If you are seeking only food, Māra will bless you. For you are seeking food for the sake of Māra’s continuation. Any of us can show mettā to the donor who offered dāna. What you must do is not what everyone does. It is what others cannot do. What everyone cannot do is to show mettā to the person who did not give.
If you are skillful on the piṇḍapāta journey, you can attain mettā-samādhi. If someone goes on piṇḍapāta seeking only food, what remains within him is not hunger of the belly, but the fire of bhava. If the fire of bhava is extinguished, all fires will be extinguished. Until now, what we have done is to throw straw onto the fire. Although Māra supplies the straw, it is you who burn in the fire. The nature of fire is to blaze. The nature of straw is to help it blaze. The nature of Māra is to bring these two together. What your nature should be is to extinguish the fire without putting the straw of defilements into the fire of bhava, and to do so without Māra seeing.