Suggestions...
Not exactly a rant, but something going on in my mind.
I am very close to someone - a friend, though perhaps something a little more. She has been incredibly supportive throughout this journey. We used to talk a lot during college, but ever since I started preparing for the UPSC, our conversations have become less frequent.
Even so, she has always been there for me: checking in on me, wishing me luck, encouraging me to study, and never judging me for any result or setback. Over time, I’ve drifted away from almost all of my friends, except for one or two who are busy with their own lives. Yet she remains one of the few people I still speak to a few times every month.
She has always meant a great deal to me, though we’ve long stayed within the comfort of the “just friends” space. A part of me wants to tell her how I feel after the prelims. I’m not sure what her feelings are, but I do know that she cares deeply and understands me in a way very few people do.
Still, I’m conflicted. Is it a bad idea to be with someone during preparation? Could I risk losing a valuable friendship? At the same time, I’m afraid that if I never say anything, she may eventually think I’m not interested at all and move on with someone else. And the thought of losing her completely is honestly frightening.
Of course I would be thinking and figuring this out more post prelims, but still a words of advice would be good.