u/Windren

I dated my ex-gf of 1.5 years until recently. We were compatible on almost all fronts but religion seemed to become a problem. I wasn't aware religion was important to her (I know I should have asked) but there was never any indication to suggest it. No religious practice or forward presence so I assumed (falsely) that her beliefs were not intense. I come from a muslim background, and never really held strong beliefs after I left home in my early 20s and moved away. I viewed it as a mechanism of control and the toxicity that was probably more culture heavy bled into my life in terrible ways and caused me a lot of trauma that took years to work through. So I became non-practicing and even agnostic. My ex-gf was orthodox catholic and as previously stated never seemed that religious. She had made comments toward the end that made me begin to take notice, like her mother saying I was perfect but "too bad he isn't catholic" and this made me feel more like religion was a problem and that I wasn't enough. She asked me to convert or be open to it as she cannot marry a non orthodox catholic. I told her I did a lot of personal work to escape my own experience and did not want to re-enter into a different organized religion that I viewed as additional control, especially if I didn't truly believe in it as I saw that as a false conversion that would only breed resentment especially when kids entered the picture if I didn't truly believe. It seemed her entire family cared deeply about her marrying an orthodox and that weighed heavily on her hierarchy of importance. My parents don't care who I marry or that I don't practice Islam but apostasy I think would inflict a different type of pain on them, not that I make my choices based on them. She told me she'd marry me if I was orthodox, but I told her I don't think I can convert. So, she ghosted me and stopped talking to me and would not meet in person to discuss it after.

I've wrestled with this in my mind for weeks now and feel crushed by the weight of how much I miss her. I'm not sure if I made the right choice by enforcing this boundary or If I should have considered it.

tl;dr: GF broke up with me because I wouldn't convert to her religion and I don't know If I made the right choice by refusing or If I should have acquiesced