u/WolfMan275

TW: I briefly mention one anatomical term in this post.

Looking for some support. Still processing news I received last night after my electrolysis session.

Backstory: (Quick note to start- I’m very hairy).
With the way my surgeon stages ALT, he creates the urethra in the penis before anything is hooked up, and saves scrotoplasty for the very last stage.

My current/natal urethra sits below my dick, in between the labia. I was instructed to receive laser hair removal in that area in preparation for the UL hookup stage, since that is where the hookup site will happen with the urethra in my penis and my natal one. It is crucial that that area is hair free. Otherwise, I will have hair re-growth in my urethra. My phalloplasty team has in-house laser hair removal, but not in-house electrolysis. I required an external referral for this.

I started receiving laser hair removal down there in April of 2023. Up until November of 2025, my surgeon says I am welcome to do electrolysis as well if I would like. It's optional. To be safe, I begun electrolysis treatment in December of 2025, and stopped laser all together per my electrolysist instructions.

I had another electrolysis session last night, and found out through my electrolysis tech that it takes up to 2 years for any potential hairs to grow back from laser, since it is not permanent like electrolysis. She said she had mentioned that to me at the beginning of treatment and that laser is not permanent, which I do remember her saying now. But still feels like brand new information for me when I thought we were getting close to be doing and I could have the UL stage by the end of this year.

I'm feeling pissed, and devastated. If I had just started with electrolysis in the first place, I could've been nearly done with all of my surgeries, since my last necessary one was 1.5 years ago. Now I have to wait another 1.5 years to be completely cleared, making that a total of 3 years. 3 years that feel wasted just because my team did not give me correct instructions. Completely out of my control, even when I was rushing to get these surgeries done as fast as I could. I just cannot believe it.

Every. Single. Thing. In my life has revolved around these surgeries and I feel blindsided by this news. I've been going through this process for over 4 years now and I am beyond emotionally and physically exhausted. I just want to live my life. But now I feel indefinitely tied to my current job due to insurance reasons for ongoing electrolysis + future surgeries, needing to stay with this team, and still feel like other things are off the table because I don't have the emotional bandwidth to do so (like graduate school) due to still going through this process.

I don't have to get UL. I know. I could just get implants for the next stage and be completely done. And avoid the catheter trauma. But I feel I've come so far... and have sacrificed so much just to have UL. To be able to STP and most likely (due to still getting wetness now) be able to have cum come out of my penis after/during sex. So... yeah.

Recently I was able to experiment with PIV sex for really the first time ever since I've received phallo. It fortunately worked (Fuck yeah!) And I went completely raw- most comfortable option for the both of us. We found 2 positions that worked, but it prompted some questions for me afterwards.

Even when my penis was fully inside of my female partner, I still lacked sensation and did not even know if I was even inside of her or not because of this. I feel I have excellent erogenous sensation so this threw me off. And I'm 4.5 years post op from phallus creation.

I did notice that I was able to finally feel more sensation when she was riding me and I was able to get fully inside of her as opposed to missionary where I wasn't able to get my entire dick inside of her. But it was a delayed sensation later on after riding me for awhile, and I think that happened because she ended up getting even wetter or cumming at certain points (which she didn't share with me until afterwards, so I'm wondering if that's why I was able to feel more at those random times).

My questions:

 1. Will my sensation/things improve once my penis becomes less girthy? I still want more debulkings to be done, so it will be less girthy ultimately. And I essentially had to force my dick into my my partner's vagina even when she was warmed up and super wet/turned on, and he was very squished due to my girth (which is around 7 inches I'd say currently). It was also partially painful honestly because I had to really shove him in every single time (...but it still felt good enough to keep going fortunately ;)).

I feel I have excellent erogenous sensation but it didn't quite translate here still.

 2. Have you noticed your sensation during PIV improve as you've had more PIV sex? This was my first time, so I wonder if I just need to expose/use those nerves more (who have not been exposed to the inside of a vagina) to I guess... "wake them up" in a sense, assuming they've been dormant. And I jerk off often but not with lube ever really. But I'm not sure if this is how It works lol.

3. Does having an ED help with sensation? (question for the post ED guys who are potentially reading this).

I emailed my surgeon these questions already, but it would be extremely helpful to hear about others- even if you didn't have ALT.

Before phallo, due to my crippling bottom dysphoria, for years I told myself straight/bi women did not actually like penises. Yes they had sex, but all of them preferred clitoral stimulation above all, and that's how most of them were even able to have an orgasm in the first place anyways. I drilled that into my head most of my life, and even more intensely when it came to dating. This is the way I coped with being pre-op. I had always hated my genitals before I got phallo.

Now I am experiencing my first somewhat serious relationship with this woman I just met, post phallo. She is very sexually attracted to me. I've even felt comfortable enough to send her videos of me jerking off, pics of my dick/naked body, etc... (Which... holy shit! Such a milestone!)

Whenever I send her videos of me jerking off or general dick pics, she goes crazy for them and say they make her very horny. I know she likes dick.

But because of my past, only having had my dick for 4 years now... I have mixed feelings about the way she is reacting. The fact that my genitals do turn her on so much. On the one hand, it's amazing. To have a straight woman be so attracted to me, even between stages. On the other hand though, I have such mixed feelings... like that old narrative is still stuck in my head. Maybe to protect me still, because I'm still in between stages and my dick isn't finished yet?

I feel sad I can't just fully enjoy her being so sexually attracted to me. Like, would she have always been this attracted to me, even without a penis? We don't even have a label yet but that still matters to me for some reason. I just keep thinking of my pre-op self.

She knows my background, my present, and the many surgeries I've been through. She was surprised to find out I was trans, but has not had any issues with it. And has actually been with 1 pre-op transguy about a decade ago. Other than that though, all cis-men, and she enjoys penetration too.

The weird thing too is I'm genuinely not coming from a place of regret or having second thoughts of getting phalloplasty in the first place. I know without a doubt that this was the right decision for me. And it feels so right too. So I'm not sure why I can't just feel 100% happy and whole now with this woman and just accept the fact that I finally have a penis, so I don't have to worry anymore.

I’ve been working on becoming more sexually attracted to my dick, especially since I met a woman who is very sexually attracted to me. But I’m still in between stages, so I’ve been struggling with getting on the same page. Fortunately though, I have made quite a bit of progress in that realm…

I additionally thought it would be helpful to see more post op phalloplasty porn videos. I think this would be incredibly helpful for my brain. It’d be great if I could find some on pornhub, but I am open to paying for an OF if need be. But I really want to see it all- penetration, blowjobs, etc. (preference for post ALT guy if possible! ;))

All recommendations are welcomed.

I plan to get medical tattooing in the future, but that is still a far away reality. And it only just occurred to me recently.. can’t I just tan my dick?

I haven’t had any surgeries in almost 3 months now (which was just a urethral balloon dilation anyways)
I think my only concern is that I received electrolysis treatment on the shaft about a month ago, so I do have some pimples.

But does anybody know if this is generally okay to do? I think getting a tan on my dick could help so much actually… I tan pretty easily so my skin color does not match my white ass dick 🤣🤣

I met this amazing girl about a month ago. I came out to her from the jump, and told her all about my situation. She’s straight, been with mostly guys, one or two girls, and a pre-op transguy (years ago though).

We talked more about sex yesterday, since we’re planning to meetup again soon (haven’t had sex yet). She told me that while she enjoys penetration, it’s not a make it or break it thing. And us not being able to have penetrative sex is not gonna affect our weekend away together, and that she will still be thoroughly enjoying me. She could not have handled it better, and was very gentle and communicative about that and how sex is more to her than just that.

But my brain is hanging on to the part where she said she enjoys penetrative sex.
I’m so fucking frustrated I can’t penetrate. I’ve had a penis for 4 years. I’ve tried Coban + condom, sleeves, etc. I feel I’ve tried it all and nothing has worked. Penetrating raw has been my best bet, but even that didn’t always work in the past.
I feel angry, sad, and upset I met this wonderful girl and I can’t penetrate her, and this is something she enjoys. I think of all the great cis men she could be with instead who could satisfy that for her.

No matter how many times my therapist, her, or any other women say it’s not the most important thing to them… I still cannot shake this. Like I don’t believe them. And now it’s really shaken my confidence in the bedroom, especially now that she shared she actually enjoys it.

Honestly just looking for some support and maybe reassurance in a different way, that doesn’t come from her. I can’t be mad at her for liking penetration, but it felt like a gut punch that I’m having trouble recovering from.

(Additional context: The process of achieving UL for my dick has pushed things back immensely, so I won’t be able to get an ED for another 1-2 years)

Recently I’ve been a lot more focused on jerking off lately and I’ve noticed that I still feel tightness/pain in a certain area of my graft site when I’m stroking my dick. Sometimes nerve shocks in different parts too. I’m officially 4 years post op at this point.

Also had the buccal graft method done to fix a stricture, so I do wonder if that affected things as well. I’ll talk to my surgeons, but not sure they can do anything at this point though. Just wondering if anybody else has experienced this?

Does anybody else experience any pain in their donor site when jerking off? Unfortunately I can't remember when the pain started, but I definitely notice it now.

But I do have some suspicions of where it possibly came from. I did have a glansplasty revision done which required using part of my skin graft for that revision. I also had the buccal graft procedure done to fix a stricture I had. I noticed when I go to irrigate every day, when the catheter runs through that part of my penis (where the graft was placed) it hurts when I pass it through that specific area of my urethra. It feels like somebody is grabbing a part of my donor site and squeezing it as it goes through that area.

As far as jerking off goes, I've noticed that my dick just feels more fragile- I will feel muscular tension in my donor site when I jerk off hard or touch my dick in certain ways. And it sucks, and makes me anxious. Like is this something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life? Or is there a way to fix this?

And even more specifically, for those of you who were their “first transman”. How did it go? Sexually and emotionally speaking..

I met this woman who doesn’t live in my area, so we’ve just been texting a lot and talking about meeting up in the future to have some physical fun. She considers herself straight, but has been with one pre-op transman in the past and has explored with women too at one point.

I’m having trouble getting a read on her though. Like we will text all day and she’s definitely flirty and caring. And we’ve sexted, pretty consistently talking about hooking up in the future and how she can’t wait. But she got really quiet when I was describing my anatomy to her, and what I can/cannot do. She’s said twice she doesn’t think it would be problematic. But her quietness and lack of response when my trans ness does come up is spiking my anxiety though.

I’ve only had hookups during my phallo process except for one other situationship that ended terribly. It was my fault for not coming out sooner but we still had sex a couple times afterwards. But it ended because eventually she said she wouldn’t seriously date me because I’m trans. She was straight and had never been with a trans person before.

I’m just worried about my current situationship being similar to the last one. But I’m not sure what to do. Do I just wait and see until we met in person and have sex? Or if she’s not saying stuff like “it’s no problem, don’t worry, etc.” then should I just end things with her already?

Wondering if I should just exclusively date queer women at this point, or if I’m overthinking this. I just don’t wanna go through what I went through with my last situationship again. 🤦🏽‍♂️

Title really says it’s all… and honestly, it would be perfect in a way, because I’m not emotionally available right now. Met this girl recently who I had really great chemistry with. She told me she was just looking for some ongoing fun. But I haven’t told her I’m trans yet. She could still reject me just for that, but if she is cool with it, I’m feeling disappointed with where I’m at still, especially from a sexual perspective. I haven’t been able to penetrate still for 3.5 yrs due to UL complications, and it’s really been bothering me lately. I know sex isn’t all about penetration, but when I was telling my cis friend about this situation, he made a comment like “she wants somebody to fuck her hard man”. And I just felt frustrated because I still can’t do that. And my body is different, so I feel like it’s a learning curve that I have to educate her on. Like she’s just looking for a fun situationship, but my dick is different so it wouldn’t be the heterosexual sex she’s used to.
This stems from mainly me still having trouble finding my current dick sexy. I think my results turned out great, but it’s definitely different still, if that makes sense. I know things will get better when I will feel most complete- balls, UL, and medical tattooing. All which would make *massive* differences in the bedroom for me.

I’ve honestly being going through a hook up phase myself for though for the past handful of years, as I’ve gone through these surgeries. I haven’t let whatever phallo stage I was in prevent me from missing opportunities. But I kept telling myself I was fine, at least I had somewhat of a dick. But that’s starting to get to me now 3.5 years in.

I want to pursue this and will because I’m not letting my insecurity hold me back, as I never have. But I’m struggling with feeling confident about the state I’m in. Anybody gone through something similar?